These 5 Podcasts Have Changed My Life!

I was never really a fan of podcasts and did not at anytime feel compelled to join the “Podcasts Train”. I was content with watching and listening to content I resonated with on Youtube and discovering new channels there (I do not watch a lot of Television on purpose…more on that in another blog post).

So although I would scroll through my social media, reading testimonies of avid podcasts listeners and how the content they subscribed to had been life-changing, I would share in their excitement for five seconds a move on. Podcasts were just “not my thing”.

Fast forward to the recently where for the past five or six months, I have found a way to inculcate listening to these amazing podcasts in my morning routine (LOL, I say “morning routine” as if I have some serious ritual I undergo in the mornings, but you get the general idea). Anyway, let’s just say I’m glad that I hopped on that train.

These five podcasts have changed my way of thinking and my life in general:

1. Cleaning Up The Mental Mess with Dr. Caroline Leaf

Anyone who knows me, knows I am really passionate about psychology and mental health. I love this woman and her amazing podcast!

Dr. Caroline Leaf is a cognitive neuroscientist with a PhD in Communication Pathology and a BSc in Logopedics and Audiology, specializing in metacognitive and cognitive neuropsychology. Her passion is to help people see the power of the mind and the link between science and God as a tangible way of controlling their thoughts and emotions, learning how to think and learn and finding their sense of purpose in life.

So far, I have learned so much just by listening to Dr. Leaf’s podcast every week. I have learned about the mind-brain connection, how to manage/reduce stress and anxiety, tips to prevent and overcome mental burnout, how to use mindfulness and deal with a crisis in the heat of the moment, tips to deal with performance anxiety and overcome mental blocks, how to deal with difficult people and tips to protect your mental health while dealing with difficult people and a whole lot more!

Most importantly, I love the fact that she provides practical, straight-to-the-point and useful tips that one can apply to take care of his/her mental health.

You can subscribe to Dr. Leaf’s podcast here.

2. On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Arrghh!! JAY SHETTY! This is one wise man beyond his years. I cannot get enough of his profound truths. His podcasts drop every three to four days and I am in love with the content I receive on there.

Jay Shetty is an award-winning host, storyteller and viral content creator. Since launching his video channel in 2016, Jay’s viral wisdom videos have garnered over 4 billion views and gained over 20 million followers globally. This makes him one of the most viewed people on the internet internationally. After meeting a monk when he was 18, Jay started redefining success for himself. He now wanted a life of service, impact and passion as opposed to money, fame and power.

After graduating with a 1^st class BSc (Hons) Degree in Behavioral Science from Cass Business School, inspired to make a difference in the world, at 22 Jay went to live as a monk across India and Europe. He traded his suits for robes, shaved his head and lived out of a gym locker for 3 years. He now shares the valuable lessons he learned from his monkhood as well as valuable lessons. Jay’s stated goal is to make wisdom go viral as he spreads his message of motivation and positivity.

On his podcast, he typically has guests with whom he discusses important issues on a wide range of topics such as learning how to define success for yourself and set your goals, being open about mental health, healthy ways to heal, getting in touch with yourself, disconnecting and gaining clarity, ways to gracefully deal with rejection, creating healthier food habits, finding purpose and aligning with it and so so much more!

You can check out Jay Shetty’s podcast here

3. The Robin Sharma Master Sessions

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ROBIN SHARMAAAA!!!

If you have read any of this man’s books, you’ll have just an idea why I am in love with him and his wisdom.

Robin Sharma is a writer, best known for his The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari book series. He worked as a litigation lawyer until age 25, when he self-published MegaLiving, a book on stress management and spirituality. Perhaps I am biased towards him because of his background in law, but this man speaks golden truths.

Robin imparts so much wisdom on topics on Leadership and Personal Mastery such as leadership values, learning how to get comfortable alone, learning how to produce your masterwork, beating distractions, rising above hard times, practical tools to recover your focus, protecting your energy and so much more. His calm soothing voice is an added bonus!

You can check out Robin Sharma’s podcast here.

4. Kwik Brain with Jim Kwik

Jim kwik is a world expert in speed-reading, memory improvement, and optimal brain performance. He is the CEO and Founder of Kwik Learning, a leader in accelerated learning with online students of every age and vocation in over 150 countries. He is also a keynote speaker, trainer and advisor.

Jim Kwik’s podcast majorly provides “bite-sized brain hacks for busy people who want to learn faster and achieve more.” I have learned a lot listening to this podcast every other three days. Jim shares on tips such as tips to sleep better, how to use your power to get what you want, how to read more books and learn to read faster, how to overcome stress and relieve pressure (he did an amazing episode with Jay Shetty on this), tips on mastering habits, healing emotional wounds, how to make better choices in life, fighting mental fatigue and so on! ARGGHH!! I’ve learned a lot!

I think the interesting about Jim’s story is that he was known as the “boy with the broken brain. ” A childhood head injury at age five left him struggling in school. For a while, he even believed I could never be as good as other kids when it came to learning. As the years wore on, Jim undertook a journey to learn about his brain – why it was broken and what he could do to fix it. That journey led him to discovering different learning habits, including accelerated learning systems and tactics.

Jim shares that he discovered that, no matter the circumstances, we can rebuild our brains. And after working on himself, he realized my brain was not broken…it just needed a better owner’s manual. This shattered his own limiting beliefs – and over time, it became his passion to help others do the same.

You can check out Jim Kwik’s podcast here.

Tom Bilyeu is an American entrepreneur best known as the co-founder of Quest Nutrition, the second-fastest growing private company in North America on the In. 5000 for 2014.

Impact Theory is a business and mindset-focused interview show that will teach anyone aspiring to greatness the secrets to success. Tom Bilyeu hosts the show and is known for his passion and preparation. He tends to dig deep and brings the urgency of someone who is hungry to put what he’s learning to immediate use.

I have learned so much from this podcast such as how to become decisive in the face of paralysing fear, how to stop negative behaviour and strengthen your mind, how to achieve a calm state, how to take a social media break or quit social media together and master focus and so much!

You can check out Tom Bilyeu’s podcast here.

These podcasts relate to topics I am passionate about. You can find a host of podcasts on topics you are passionate about where you can learn so much!

And if podcasts are not “your thing”, then I challenge you to try something new today! You’ll be surprised at what you may find!

What podcasts are you currently listening to?

P.S, From 5th August 2019, I’ll be sending out life-changing, straight-to-the point and concise weekly emails guaranteed to help start your week right! Click the link here to sign up so you don’t miss out on anything! https://mailchi.mp/06750630c287/weeklyemails

Book Review: The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck (#14/30)

Title: The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck

Author: Mark Manson

Published By: HarperCollins

Release Date: September 2016

Genre: Self-help

Format: Hardcover

Length: 204 pages

Synopsis

In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger shows us that the key to being happier is to stop trying to be “positive” all the time and instead to become better at handling adversity. Manson brings a much-needed grab-you-by-the shoulders moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humour. This manifesto is a refreshing slap in the face for all of us so that we can start to lead more contented grounded lives.

Review

Wow.

Talk about not judging a book by its cover!

I know the title makes some people cringe (which is why I love it secretly) but this book is waayyy more than its title.

Mark Manson presents some brilliant wisdom as well as cold-hard facts and truths to the table about getting to know our limitations and accepting them. He advises readers that in accepting our limitations and faults, instead of always looking on the positive side of things and ignoring them, we can embrace our fears and uncertainties. Furthermore, he says that by running from and avoiding painful truths, we can begin to find the courage and confidence we desperately seek.

“We must give a fuck about something. To not give a fuck about anything is still to give a fuck about something. The real question is, What are we choosing to give a fuck about? What values are we choosing to base our actions on? What metrics are we choosing to use to measure our life? And are those good choices- good values and good metrics?”

Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck

Admittedly, some of these truths were seemingly a little too harsh and quite hard to swallow but others were just the great reminders that I needed while I read. The author presented what I would call profound, deep, useful and points which are very much applicable in every-day life that promise to be life-changing.

“Denying negative emotions leads to experiencing deeper and more prolonged negative emotions and to emotional dysfunction. Constant positivity is a form of avoidance, not a valid solution to life’s problems-problems which by the way, if you’re choosing the right values and metrics, should be invigorating you and motivating you…Negative emotions are a necessary component of emotional health. To deny that negativity is to perpetuate problems rather than solve them.”

Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck.

I learned a whole lot of valuable lessons about embracing fear and pain, choosing what to care about and the importance of choosing my struggle every single day, the importance of defining good and bad values and having metric systems for values that matter, understanding that everything I do is a choice, learning how to respond to tragedy as well as coming to terms with my mortality and making peace with the fact that death is a part of life.

“Travel is a fantastic self-development tool, because it extricates you from the values of your culture and shows you that another society can live with entirely different values and still function and not hate themselves. This exposure to different cultural values and metrics then forces you to reexamine what seems obvious in your own life and to consider that perhaps, it is not necessarily the best way to live.“

Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck.

A great read which I would definitely recommend to anyone eager to learn and come to terms with amazing hard truths of life

Verdict

Definitely an 8.9/10 in my books.

Book Review: Before Dawn (#17/30)

Title: Before Dawn

Author: Naomi Isimemen

Published By: Naira Books & Press

Release Date: June 2019

Genre: Non-fiction

Format: Paperback

Length:56 pages

Synopsis

Before Dawn is the true story of a young woman whose idyllic marriage is hit by a rollercoaster of a series of heartbreaking events. When she finds herself headed towards a rendezvous with heartache and loss, will she be swept away by the storms of fate or will she stand fast as an anchor for herself and her young family? Naomi’s story sheds light on the worst types of pain that any woman can experience.

Review

Okay, so I got this amazing book sent to me from the author’s publicist a little while back and had planned to read it towards the end of July. However, I was quite intrigued by the book’s synopsis which caught my attention over and over again. I guess it’s safe to say my curiosity got the better part of me.

Being a pretty short book, I finished reading it in one sitting. Let’s just say, the best time to read this book is on day when you’re curled up at home with tea or coffee or whatever rocks your boat, so you can bawl your eyes out and feel the writer’s pain and learn from her experiences.

The book tells a gripping story of the shattering experiences of a young resilient single mother of four who tries to navigate her way through life after experiencing some of the worst kinds of pain and loss.

As I read this book, I was easily immersed in the writer’s world and stages of grief as well as the hope, pain and denial deeply felt by her. I appreciated the simple use of language to convey essential themes present in the book such as the intricacies of family ties in an African setting, love, pain and loss. So many valuable lessons were hidden and laid bare in the central themes of the book. I also appreciated the writer’s use of imagery as my imagination created her world and lived in it as I read.

The book is divided into two parts: Book One- Pain and Book Two- Survival. I expected much more from Book Two as I felt the ending was quite hasty and clumped together. I would have loved a more detailed expression of the writer’s survival process as well as that of her kids which could serve as a guide to people going through or having experienced the same kind of loss and hardship from family. As I do not know the writer personally, I also found it quite difficult to place the timeframe of certain experiences as they unfolded.

All in all, I would say this book is a great read full of valuable lessons. It makes one reevaluate a lot about life and put things into perspective.

Verdict

I would definitely give this book a strong 8.5/10

P.S You can follow the author on instagram or twitter. You can also purchase a copy of the book here or on amazon.

Adulting 102: Lessons From Adulthood

As I write this first paragraph, I am physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted from everything life. I have yawned more than a million times (okay fine, I exaggerate sometimes) between writing the first sentence and this sentence which happens to be the second. I have picked up my phone a thousand and one times and “ooh”-ed and “ahhh”-ed over people’s lives on social media I know nothing about…and my fingers hurt!

I just want to curl up on a couch all day long and wail in self-pity while money randomly enters my account (who else fantasizes about random “mistake credit alerts” of millions where the person who made the mistake does not need the money and so decided to let it go?). But no, life calls. BILLS CALL EYYYYYY! I think it occasionally hits a majority of us hard that there will always be bills to pay. Like why? How can someone be paying bills for the majority of their life for goodness sake? Were there bills in the Garden of Eden? Because we need to trace this.

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Disclaimer: The above photos look nothing like what my past couple of weeks have actually been like.

I have conversations with some of my very close friends and sometimes we just sit and talk about how tough life can be figuring out things on your own especially when you do not have family in your immediate environment (and if you have family around, no matter how annoying they are on some days, be thankful. It’s a big deal).

On some days, we agree that one can never never fully prepared for the cards life deals you and on others, we agree that growing up has always been an age-long trap. Adulthood tends to bring a lot of anxiety, panic attacks and nervous breakdowns with all the figuring out to do. I really cannot believe all we wanted to do at some point was grow up.

A couple of weeks ago, I shared two vital lessons I have learned and still continue to learn in growing up here. I am still learning so many lessons in my adulthood experience. Some of which are:

Life is not an emergency

It is easy to get caught up in this thing called life and enter beast mode in achieving goals, conquering deadlines at work/school and in our personal lives that we often forget that nobody is chasing us. Like, if you literally stopped and looked behind you one of these days, it would interest you to note that no one is chasing you.

“We take our own goals so seriously that we forget to have fun along the way, and we forget to cut ourselves some slack. We take simple preferences and turn them into conditions for our own happiness. Or, we beat ourselves up if we cannot meet our self-created deadlines. The first step in becoming a more peaceful person is to have the humility to admit that, in most cases, you are creating your own emergencies. Life will usually go on if things don’t go according to plan. It’s helpful to keep reminding yourself and the sentence, “Life is not an emergency”.“

-Richard Carlson from Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff and Its All Small Stuff

I am learning to take one day at a time and tackle the things I get dealt with one step at a time. I constantly remind myself that Life is not an emergency so I do not get stressed out off not being able to figure things out immediately. As hard as it may be to swallow, things will still function and the world will still go on without your presence. If you kill yourself at work, neglecting your health or refusing to take time out regularly to refresh mind and body, work and life will still go even before your body is placed six feet under after slumping from stress.

Cut yourself some slack.

I am enough

Repeat after me: “I am enough. I am enough. I am enough. I am enough. I am enough.”

Sometimes we find ourselves looking for external validation that we are enough; that we are smart enough, intelligent enough, good-looking enough or capable enough to be and to do.

We often forget that our greatest powers and tools lie within us and so we seek for external validation that we matter or are capable of doing great things. Sometimes, we long to hear someone tell us “I am proud of you” or “You are doing amazing” or “Keep it up” or even just a simple “Well done”. We derive a deep sense of satisfaction when we hear those words from someone else, other than ourselves…that is, if we even bother to tell ourselves that we are proud of who we are and how far we have come.

In adulthood, I am learning that I am enough to be and to do. I am learning that I may not get the opportunity of hearing the words “I am proud of you” or “You are doing amazing” or “Keep it up” or “Well done” from other people, but I owe it to myself to be there for me. I owe it to myself to tell myself these words and believe them. I owe it to myself to turn up and turn out for me.

Life is busy happening to us simultaneously and we are all going through it. The person you may often look to for some glimmer of encouragement and motivation may just be going through it as well, albeit hiding it better than you. Even your mentors are figuring it out as they go.

Remember that you are enough to be the best you is within you. All you need to accomplish all you desire lies within you. You have what it takes to smash your goals and realize your dreams no matter how big and scary they are. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself “I am proud of you (insert name)” even for getting out of bed in the morning, because that itself can be a chore.

Communication is everything!

I am also learning the importance of communication; communication in every relationship and the need to voice out opinions, concerns and uncertainties.

One of the biggest mistakes we tend to make as human beings is assuming that the next person knows what you are thinking or feeling at any point in time. At this juncture, it is important to bring this piece of important news to you: Nobody can read your mind. And no, they cannot automatically tell what what you are thinking or feeling simply by looking at you.

Where unsure about anything, I am learning to voice out uncertainties and ask questions. You can never go wrong asking questions. The worst anyone can do to you is say “no” or whatever response may not be favourable to you at that time, but they cannot kill you for asking.

COMMUNICATE

“When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret.”

Shannon L. Alder

You are stronger than you think

Admittedly, some days are harder than others and sometimes, simply getting out of bed in the morning to face another day of challenges, responsibilities, fears, uncertainties and doubts is just about the hardest thing to accomplish that day.

I am learning that I am stronger than I think and not just because the sentence sounds cute. It gives me the strength to keep pushing through it all. Some days, I look back at all the things I have had to deal with and how I came out strong and alive in the end and realize that I may just be stronger than I think or give myself credit for.

Remember that you are way more than you think you are. Do not allow the negative thoughts creep in to overwhelm, confuse or make you overanalyze your strength and abilities. Secure your emotions, your heart, your power, your mental space, your strength and keep moving.

Life is a continuous lesson

I am learning, and this may be one of the hardest lessons to learn so far while growing up, that it is absolutely okay to be clueless and uncertain about life from time to time…just as long as it’s a short time, right? See? I’m already panicking.

We never ever ever stop learning; about ourselves, about people we care about or even about life in general. So I think what I am trying to say is this: Be okay with not having all the answers at every point in time. I am learning to live in each moment, not knowing what the next phase may bring sometimes, but also planning as much as I can for the future.

Every day above ground is an opportunity to fight and come out strong. Every day above ground is an opportunity to figure something out about life. Every day above ground is an opportunity to live, taking it one step at a time, one day at a time. Every day above ground is an opportunity to keep going.

Remember, life is not an emergency.

What is adulthood teaching you? Kindly share in the comments!

P.S, From 5th August 2019, I’ll be sending out life-changing, straight-to-the point and concise weekly emails guaranteed to help start your week right! Click the link here to sign up so you don’t miss out on anything!https://mailchi.mp/06750630c287/weeklyemails

Book Review: Man’s Search For Meaning (#10/30)

Title: Man’s Search For Meaning

Author: Viktor E. Frankl

Published By: Rider, an imprint of Ebury Publishing

Release Date: First published in 1946. Latest copy published in 2004

Genre: Psychology

Format: Paperback

Length: 154 pages

If you read but one book this year, Dr. Frankl’s book should be that one.”- Los Angeles Times

One of the most outstanding classics to emerge from the Holocaust, Man’s Search for Meaning is Vikto Frankl’s story of his struggle for survival in Auschwitz and other Nazi concentration camps. Today, this remarkable tribute to hope offers an avenue to finding greater meaning and purpose in our own lives.

Review

This book definitely has to be one of the most powerful books I have ever read in my life. I briefly heard about it on a psychology course I was taking a while back and decided to read.

This seemingly small piece right here of just about 154 pages, took me about a full month to consume and digest because it is loaded with wisdom and soul-shaking truths. I could not get enough of it and when I was done, let’s just say I had to read two fictional books back to back to recover from the brain work.

In this book, Victor Frankl tells the story of his struggle for survival in Auschwitz and other Nazi concentration camps during the Holocaust. Frankl recants his horrendous experience in concentration camps for three years.

By so doing, he explores the concept of Logotherapy and presents ideal elements of this essential school of psychology from his experience, which culminates in the idea that man’s search for meaning is the primary motivation in his life and not a “secondary rationalization” of instinctual drives.

I would say this book is not a “read in one-sitting” kind of book. A lot of brain work goes into understanding the ideals and elements that the author presents and expresses. I do appreciate the use of english and the author’s simple style of writing that enables the reader focus on his/her imagination rather than the difficulty in style of writing….seeing as this book was first published in German in 1946!

I appreciate the central theme of the book and the positivity associated with it generally and thought it was an absolutely great read in all! (Maybe because I love psychology so much…if you’re not so much as interested in psychology or history, then this might be a bore to you…just saying)

Verdict

I would definitely give this read a biased 8.5/10! Loved it!

Book Review: Becoming Nigerian: A Guide (#8/30)

Title: Becoming Nigerian: A Guide

Author: Elnathan John

Published By: Cassava Republic Press

Release Date: 2019

Genre: Non-Fiction; Satire

Format: Paperback

Length:149 pages

In Becoming Nigerian: A Guide Elnathan John provides an affecting, unrestrained and satirical guide to the Nigerians you will meet at home and abroad, or on your way to hell and to heaven. It is a searing look at how power is performed, negotiated and abused in private and in public; in politics, business, religious institutions and in homes. From the exploration of religious hypocrisy to inequality in matters of the heart, the collection is a jab at Nigerian society and what it means to be a Nigerian. Beyond poking fun at the holders of power, it is a summons, a provocation and a call for introspection among all levels of society. As is often said in Nigeria, when you point with one finger, there are four others pointing back at you.

This engrossing read is a must-have for Nigerians on how to move beyond shame and arrogance, and for Non-Nigerians, a uniquely informative guide on how to accept their awe and envy of Nigerians. It is an invitation for everyone to embrace and rejoice in their inner Nigerian.

Review

Well, if you looking for a good laugh (assuming you have a good sense of humor and don’t take everything personally), this book right is your plug! I read this about a few of weeks ago almost in one sitting. Where do I even start from with this book? It is safe to say the tables that were shattered in this book are out of this world. As a Nigerian, I could totally relate with the book’s humour and satire.

I love the book’s simplicity and uncomfortable hidden and explicit truths lurking in all its chapters.

I would admit that for me, some chapters had me like “bleh” and there were some pages I couldn’t wait to turn faster but all in all, it was a great and funny read.

Mind-blowingly shady and funny as hell, this is one unputdownable work of art you want to get as a Nigerian. And as a Non-Nigerian, well, that’s left for you to decide.

Verdict

I would give this book a healthy 7.5/10.

Adulting 101: What Growing Up Is Teaching Me

See ehn, this adulting thing na wa. Please who else is tired?

Remember when all we wanted to do was grow up? It simply is the funniest thing how at the time, we could not grow up fast enough. We were tired of people treating us like kids and were always quick to point out that we were not children anymore. LOOOL.

I remember sitting for hours, pained; you know the kind of pain that hurts deep where you want to cry but the tears do not roll out, because you have just been treated like a “child” and all you wanted to do was take control of your life without any restrictions or boundaries? Yeah that pain. I felt that pain one too many times. I would be up for most of the night plotting and scheming how my best years would be once I became an adult and there was no one to tell me what to do.

Growing up, the “tomboy” in me hated the fact that my church clothes had to be picked out for me by my mom. I just wanted to wear my pant trousers and kito sandals not girly dresses and shoes. I wanted to wear my kito sandals everywhere! I would cry and wish I was grown up just so I could wear my kito sandals. “When I’m grown up, I would wear my kito sandals everywhere!” I would think to myself. LOL.

I would sit and stare at the wall for hours as if by some magical happening, I would suddenly be 25 drowning in a pile of jeans pant trousers and kito sandals…and I would look forward to the day I was old enough to dress how I wanted, act how I wanted, go where I wanted without any curfew…

Bills? What did that mean then? I really cannot stop laughing in my right now as I write this.

😅Who else is laughing and crying at themselves now?

Now, sometimes when I get overwhelmed, I sit and stare at the wall for some minutes (because there’s no time to stare for hours) as if by some magical happening, time would suddenly reverse itself and I would find myself back in my childhood waking up from sleep to go “Wow, so it was all a dream?!” Welp.

Nowadays, we are all just trying to figure it out, aren’t we? And the truth is, the older we get, the kinder and more accepting we tend to get of the older generation because now, we can understand better why they did certain things they did or did not do certain things.

We realize that life is just what it is; life…with all its ups and downs, lessons and experiences, excitements and disappointments. We realize that nothing really prepares anyone for life and the cards they are dealt. You find yourself here on whatever part of the planet you are birthed (without your permission, I might add) and you make it work!

The truth is at the end of the day, no one person has all the perfect answers on how life works; relationships, career, faith, marriage, parenting and so on. Everyone is just figuring it out on the go, even the life coaches! So, while it is easy to look at the older generation and expect them to have all the answers or be A1 in our books in their marriages, parenting styles or just life in general, I realize now that they were also just figuring life out in terms of the cards they were dealt and acting based on all they knew. Naturally, they were bound to make mistakes as they went along and most likely still do.

Anyone that knows me personally knows that an element of life that I have fallen in love with and come to deeply appreciate is Growth. I love growth and what it brings; growth in different facets of life and the opportunity life gives to be able to look back and recognize growth. And in growth, there are lessons learned.

Some of the lessons adulthood is teaching me are:

Life is in stages

This is one tough lesson I have learned and am still learning. Life comes in stages and phases which you are not allowed to dwell in for too long at a time. By entering into the world, even though without your consent, you have signed the terms and conditions of life. You have to get an education, then graduate, then get a job or have a profitable source of income, be financially independent, get married (if you choose), have kids (if you choose) and retire (if you choose).

Each of these stages come with experiences, lessons, friendships, and probably relationships that may be difficult to let go of. In moving from one stage to the other, you may have to move halfway across the world to a new country, build new friendships and experience life on your own terms.

Sometimes, it is hard to let elements of the past go when we desperately want to hang on to it. Some of us refuse to let go of our childhood fantasies or lifestyles and we find ourselves seeking comfort and laughter in cartoons or childlike experiences because we are then reminded of the absolutely priceless feeling that comes with such.

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I remember when at some point, my sister and I (being just the two children) would spend almost every minute of our lives together, fighting and making up and fighting some more (over everything!). When she got married and started her cute little family, it was really hard letting go of our past lives and realizing that each person has a path to follow. All I wanted to do most times was go back to when we would fight over why the room light should or should not be off at 9pm. Now, we are both trying to figure out life individually (still maintaining a close relationship) but from different angles and in different cities.

And the same goes for life. We cannot deny that life comes in stages up until death. In growing, we learn that not all relationships or friendships are made to last but each stage of life presents learning opportunities and experiences that can be treasured. Granted, moving from one stage to the other can be difficult, but these stages are a part of life and the sooner you accept and learn to love them for what they are and what they bring, the easier it becomes to experience life to the fullest.

Additionally, a very important aspect of recognizing that life is in stages is in in learning to be patient through each stage and trusting the process. We often compare ourselves with others; we compare our worth (not necessarily net worth), our values, talents, progress and growth to that of others and we are miserable because we only see their accomplishments while managing to lose focus of ours. We want it all and we want it all now. BUT we must recognize that some of these stages are time sensitive and patience is required.

We constantly have to remind ourselves that social media only captures the highlights reels of one’s life and not the behind-the-scenes. Don’t get caught up in your desire to “arrive” at the final destination. Enjoy each stage and the experiences it brings. “The joy is in the climb”.

Do it scared!

This is worth the ponder:

“What would you do if fear no longer stood in your way? What would happen if you were no longer afraid to dive in, head first and go after your dreams, live your visions and realize your purpose? What would you do if you had no limitations?“

Doing it scared is one of the most profound lessons I am learning from adulthood. Wow. Think of how many things you desire to do but have pulled the plug on because of fear.

The truth is sometimes it is easy to give in to fear or to procrastinate on our dreams and goals because of fear. We often let fear captivate our heart and thoughts. We find ourselves being consumed by only all the negative “what if’s”. “What if I fail?” “What if it goes wrong?” “What if they mock me?” “What if I cannot do it?”

How about from today, we start asking ourselves “What if this works? What if this goes right?” “What if I can accomplish this and what if I’m successful at this?” “What do I stand to learn from this?” How about if and/or when we fail, we choose to fail forward, seeing the failures as learning opportunities and bounce back no matter how tough it may be?

It is said a lot that “Everything you want is on the other side of fear” and I believe it. It’s funny how once you overcome the fear and get into what you desire, you later realise there was really nothing to be scared of in the first place. BUT then the next time you find yourself trying something new, fear creeps up again and consumes you to the point you feel stagnant! I guess it just goes to show that fear is something we constantly have to battle especially in figuring out different aspects of our lives.

“He has not learned the first lesson of life who does not every day surmount a fear.”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Adulthood does not seem to make it any easier because life presents so many choices and opportunities. Not knowing where to stick your head or if where you want to stick your head will work out can cause you to just maintain a more or less seemingly auto pilot approach to life. Learning to do things scared however, will ultimately give you an upper hand in life.

Trust me when I say, a whole lot of people on this planet are doing things scared everyday; not knowing whether or not it would work out. Most times, we only see the success stories and not the behind-the-scenes. You do not have to wait for the perfect time or to be “good enough” before you take that first step.

In this stage of life, I am learning to do things scared, to put myself out there more and to let my little light shine in whatever way I possibly can. Some days are tougher than the others, but I keep reminding myself “How would you know if this would work if you don’t try?” It is not alway easy but I am willing to try.

So, while adulting, go out there, believe in yourself and make stuff happen! And…

• 

The reality…

The truth is navigating one’s life during his/her 20s and 30s can be pretty nerve-racking, overwhelming and sometimes downright confusing and discouraging. In one way or the other, we are still trying to figure out so much all at once. We are taking risks, failing, getting rejected, knocked down and bouncing back up everyday. We are making life decisions that could ultimately make us or break us. Sometimes it gets too much to handle and we find that some people tend to quit life all together.

BUT we are trying our very best and we will make it!

What is adulthood teaching you? Kindly share in the comments!

The second part of this two part series sharing lessons I am learning from Adulthood will be up next week Saturday so look out for it.

P.S, From 5th August 2019, I’ll be sending out life-changing, straight-to-the point and concise weekly emails guaranteed to help start your week right! Click the link here to sign up so you don’t miss out on anything! https://mailchi.mp/06750630c287/weeklyemails

Book Review: Daughters Who Walk This Path (#5/30)

Title: Daughters Who Walk This Path

Author: Yejide Kilanko

Published By: Kachifo Limited under Farafina imprint (2014)

Release Date: 2012

Genre: Coming-Of-Age Fiction, Domestic Fiction

Format: Paperback

Length: 315 pages

Synposis

Spirited and intelligent, Morayo grows up surrounded by school friends and family in Ibadan. There is Eniayo, her adoring little sister- for whose sake their middle-class parents fight stigmatising superstition-and a large extended family of cousins and aunts who sometimes make Morayo’s home their own. A shameful secret force upon her by Bros T, her cousin, thrusts Morayo into a web of oppressive silence woven by the adults around her. Morayo must learn to fiercely protect herself and her sister as young women growing up in a complex and politically charged country.

Review

Mahn, where do I even start from?

This amazing book tells the story of two female cousins who both experience child sexual abuse. Morayo, the major protagonist, is repeatedly sexually assaulted by a family member, while her older cousin, Aunty Morenike, is raped by a trusted family friend which leads to a teenage pregnancy. The book simultaneously follows the lives of these two women who are surrounded by other major and minor characters whose combined presence give a glimpse into life from the 70s to 2007 in Western Nigeria.

The novel is also seen to explore and highlight themes such as patriarchy, sexual superstition and cultural tradition while also demonstrating how family custom and African traditions serve to strengthen, uplift and guide.

I love how the author effortlessly transports readers through time as the novel spans three decades- from Ibadan in the 1970s, through Morayo’s traumatic adolescence, into her troubled twenties and thirties. I also fell in love with the sisterly bond between the major Protagonist, Morayo and her younger sister, Eniayo as it constantly reminded me of my relationship with my sister.

I must say that this book evoked so many emotions in me as I read. I cried, laughed, got sober, angry, frustrated and threw the book away several times and ran after it while it was mid-air. So many valuable lessons were hidden and laid bare in the central themes of the book.

My favourite quote from this book would have to be:

“We do not abandon the business of living life because of what people will say about us.”

I love how easy this book was to read, the language flowed into each other and it enabled me focus on using my imagination to vividly bring scenes to life without concentrating on the use of difficult language. Beautiful story-telling, unputdownable work, an emotional rollercoaster and a favourite for times to come.

Verdict

Definitely a whooping 9.5/10 in my books!

P.S. If you are in Nigeria and looking for where to get a copy of this book, you can click here and order

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Daughters Who Walk This Path