featured – Page 4 – Rachel Eyo

5 Reasons You Need To Take a Social Media Break

“What social media really becomes after years of use is a constant stream of information both verbal and visual that at first drenches the mind, quenching its thirst for knowledge, and subduing its curiosity slowly but surly transforms into a torrent that renders the brain heavy and the mind restless.”
~Aysha Taryam

Social Media.

The one thing it seems we cannot live without.

Remember when there was no social media? We actually got on just fine. However, in recent times, it seems like everyone, or almost everyone is hooked. Hooked to Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Facebook…and if you are not necessarily hooked, you know at least one person who updates his/her stories constantly across these platforms…like all of these platforms, simultaneously (and not for business purposes, might I add).

And while it is pretty easy to say “Oh at least I do not upload stories on all platforms, I just go there to watch for entertainment” or “Please I am on social media just for information” or “I don’t even post that much on any platform” or “Oh please, it’s just social media, it’s really not that deep” I promise you, it is that deep. I also promise you that you would be utterly amazed at how much time you happen to spend on social media, just scrolling, scrolling, watching, taking and soaking in whatever information is thrown at you through your screen. You might think it is just a couple of hours a day? You would be amazed that it is much more than that.

If you use an iPhone, do yourself a favour when you are done with this blogpost and check your Screen Time usage. You can check that by going to “Settings” and tapping “Screen Time”. You are told the amount of time you spend on each of your social media apps daily, how many times a day you pick up your phone and what apps you open as soon as you pick up your phone. Life changing stuff when you do not see the Bible app among the top 10 apps. 😭

As a lover of social and psychological experiments, I recently conducted an experiment on myself by taking a break from social media. I did this after researching extensively on effective ways a social media addict like myself could do this because I was just tired.

Boyyy, were the results absolutely amazing and mind blowing! I am more than happy to share what I discovered and the benefits I got from this because it is too exciting and real not to.

As a background, I took a break from social media for roughly two weeks. At first it was unintentional and I just wanted to curb my somewhat phone addiction, but then I subsequently became intentional about it and aimed to attempt to get rid of social media addiction or at least, have some measure of control over it.

I realized that even at work, I would mindlessly and subconsciously reach for my phone every five minutes to ten minutes (not kidding) even where I did not receive a notification, just to touch the phone and scroll around aimlessly. Sometimes, I would even imagine i received a notification just to justify reaching for my phone. My productivity and creativity levels as well as my already short attention span were greatly stifled and at some point, I found that i was merely existing on auto pilot to a very large extent.

So, I said to myself “plis, this needs to stop or at least be reduced before it controls me totally”. And the interesting this is, most of us reading this are yet to fully grasp that social media tends to control us like a full blown addiction. The negative effects of the overuse of social media on our brain cannot be over emphasized enough. Excessive social media use has been closely linked to severe cases of depression, anxiety and suicide, but some of us are still on the “It’s not that deep” boat.

“We have begun to live in a world, where we eat content, drink content and breathe content, without giving a single thought to its composition and what kind of impact it has upon our lives.”
~ Abhijit Naskar

I can confidently assert that probably about 70 percent of us (or even more) reading this right now suffer from some sort of social media addiction or the other, if we would choose to be honest with ourselves.

Before I share 5 reasons why you need to take a social media break and the amazing benefits derived from such, here are some signs that-and if you’re pretty honest with yourself, you might just fall into any or all of these categories-you need a social media break ASAP!

Signs you may be addicted to social media

You cannot hang out with friends (or in severe cases, even attend a business meeting) without reaching for your phone to scroll through your social media feed or upload a story about how much “fun” you are having;
You cannot hold a conversation with someone for at least one to two hours without reaching for your phone to check your social media;
You spend more time on social media than time spent on human interaction;
You check your social media first thing in the morning when you wake up and last thing at night before you go to bed (and every other available time in between when you are free);
You take photos of almost everything to upload on your social media;
You get anxious when you have not checked your phone or social media in one or two hours;
You feel like you are “missing out” when you have not checked your phone or social media in a couple of hours;
You spend more than 2 hours a day on social media;
You go to social media when you are feeling down about life, burned out or simply frustrated;
You immediately reach for your phone when you have a notification because the anxiety of not knowing what it could be would “kill you”; and
You subconsciously make unhealthy comparisons when you look at highlights of other people’s lives and feel anxious, pressured or generally depressed at how wack your life seems to be going.

Whew! 😰

So when I realized that I exhibit most- if not all- of the signs above, I was like “Okay, we have to put breaks on this, really”.

And so, I took a break.

I will be the first to say that it is not the easiest thing in the world and like any other form of addiction, once you attempt putting an end to it, you face some form of “withdrawal” because your body has to get used to the reduction of the production of dopamine or whatever “feel good” chemical your brain has been producing when you get a lot of likes or comments on a good photo or when you are scrolling through your feed and living vicariously through the photos and videos you see.

Why: Reasons you should take a social media break

Taking occasional social media breaks present amazing advantages and benefits. I speak from my experience when I say that in the short while I took a social media break, I saw an amazing transformation from the inside out. Here are 5 reasons (which I totally experienced) why you should take a social media break (at least, once in a while):

Leaves you feeling refreshed/stronger: This is a major reason why anyone needs to take a social media break. For me, I know coming back from the break left me feeling refreshed and stronger physically, mentally and emotionally to take on tasks. There’s this refreshed feeling that your brain feels having been withdrawn from so much useless information it has been continuously subjected to for an extended period of time. You feel light and ready to take on the world.
Increased productivity/creativity and more goal oriented: If your social media is not used principally for business, chances are, if you are so consumed with watching other people’s lives and scrolling endlessly through social media feed, you may not have so much time to focus on yourself or your goals. You may have dreams and goals you want to see achieved but what time do you have to plan or execute if you are constantly on social media? By taking a break, I found that I was : more productive and creative than I had been in a long while. I was a lot more focused at work and took shorter times to achieve tasks because I was not constantly distracted by notifications of my social media. Also, I personally found that I was alot more creative in coming up with content for my blog and ideas for some business plans. Basically, my brain had space to think and thrive. You will find that your productivity and creativity levels would greatly increase if you took a step back.
Restored personal/professional relationships: Most of us have friends, family or people around us who constantly complain that we are always on the phone and we laugh it off. It’s really not that funny. When we learn to take a step back and curb how much time we spend on social media, we are able to restore personal and professional relationships. We are able to have meaningful and impactful conversations either face to face or on the phone. We are able to drop our phones and find out how our family or loved ones are doing. We are able to spend time with people and genuinely encourage them to make them feel better about whatever situation they may be in. If you find that you are only communicating with friends or loved ones through social media, then you may just have to take a step back and find proper means of communication with them. It makes all the difference.
Less anxiety, negativity and depression: Yup, I promise you. just take a break from social media for a day and see what it does to you. You would feel so much more relaxed. Why? Let me break it down for you. The world of social media, as we already know, presents just highlights of people’s lives. Basically, you do not get to see the behind the scenes of these photos and videos. You only see the best; when people are happy and look their absolute best. So we know this, right? Why then do we get anxious, jealous and depressed when we see these things about other people’s lives? Because on one hand, our conscious mind knows that these things are not all to life, and on the other hand, our subconscious mind plays tricks on us that makes us believe these highlights. And there is a constant battle within our minds in knowing what information to reject or accept.

We then compare these highlights to the total aspects of our lives and feel like we are not doing enough, or are not as good looking or life is not going great for us. We get sad when we see people travelling the world and seemingly looking happy (I know someone on instagram who always, always seems happy. Like she never has a bad looking photo. Ever) So imagine if you’re there constantly comparing yourself to someone who seemingly has a perfect life?

Lol, social media is really fickle. No one is broke, ugly, washed up or having a hard day at the office on social media. No one is dealing with family issues, depressed or tired and frustrated with the way things are going in life. No one is confused or seeking to find their purpose or life’s answers or what their calling may be. Everyone seems to have it all figured out. Everyone but you.

Taking a break from it all helps you put things into perspective and reminds you that there is actually real life outside of social media and most of what we see may not really be what is.

You live more in the moment: Funny enough, this is one of the greatest benefits to me of taking social media breaks. I am actually learning to put my phone in my bag on the car ride to work. I am learning not scroll away mindlessly in the elevator ride to my office. I am learning not to scroll through my phone while walking. By taking a break, you get to experience life. Most times, we are too busy watching life rather than living life.

We also get carried away wanting to take photos or videos of the amazing times we are having (to show people who may not even really care!) that we actually forget to enjoy those moments in peace! Taking a social media break encourages you to live in the moment, take in the fresh air, look around and observe your surroundings, be more sociable with humans and have better human interaction. Some of us can be so buried in our phones that if we were to be transported half way across the world without our knowledge, we would not notice. Take that break and live life!

How: Suggestions to take a step back

So if you want to experience the above benefits of taking a social media break and want to go on one ASAP, here are some ways you can achieve this (While you may not be comfortable with some of my methods, they might just be worth the try if you are looking to manage or get rid of your social media addiction altogether):

Identify: The first thing I did was get real with myself. Like, I had to be totally honest with myself at where I am at with this social media thing. I looked at those signs above and I was completely honest that this thing had some sort of control over me and I was ready to take a break. When I decided to be intentional about it, I had to identify why I wanted to go on the break, for how long and what I hoped to achieve.
Turn off Notifications: The next step was to turn off my notifications. The effect of this on my sanity literally deserves a blog post of its own…and I will publish that post. I turned off notifications for all my social media apps and so my phone stopped buzzing ceaselessly (for those of you that might not know, I manage four instagram accounts…so imagine the constant buzzing). By doing this, I was then unaware of when I received a message. At first, it was quite nerve racking, not wanting to miss any message that might be “soooo important” but I slowly realized that, really, no one would die if you did not respond immediately…and if it is sooooo important, they would call.

“One of the key factors people are getting addicted to social media is because they are often distracted by notifications. In fact, notifications can act as a reminder to the users to check their phones or computers. Therefore, the most effective way to solve this is to turn off the notifications. If social media accounts like Facebook and Twitter cannot notify you on any updates, there is a higher chance that you will not check on them. It is a great first step in getting rid of social media addiction. Plus, if you always get distracted by notifications, you cannot concentrate well on your tasks at hand. It can cause negative feelings like stress and anger.”

Move apps around: Funny, you might be surprised to know that your brain subconsciously knows where each app on your phone is. My brain knew that if I press the home button and swiped left twice, my instagram icon would be there at the middle right section of my screen. So I hid my instagram and twitter apps in a folder on another page of my screen that my brain is not used to so that whenever I opened my phone mindlessly and swiped twice to the left, I would not find my instagram app. By the time I remembered it had been moved and to where precisely, the desire to open the app would have waned. So whenever you’re getting used to where these apps are located, you move the apps.
Phone-free zones: So the idea behind this is that you create a phone free zone in your house or room where you do not take your phone to. It could be your bedroom or a bed side table or a reading table. What I did with this one was that I tried to keep my phone not close to my bed. Failed severally, I might add (rolling eyes), but it was worth the try.
Down-time: This helped me big time and continues to help me daily. I scheduled times when my apps shut themselves off, like from 7pm to 10pm and if I have to open them, then I can put a 15 minute limit. Lol, let me not lie. Half the time the reminder comes up, I extend it for 15 minutes till its 10 years, but after a while it gets exhausting so I dump the phone…and pick it back up. Yeah, it’s a struggle. But this has helped me control

Even though I select the first option most of the time,😂,at least I try to put the phone down when I see this pop up during down time
When I’m on any of my social media, I get notifications like this at the top which remind me of my social networking limit for the day

Substitute activities: It is interesting how much time is spent on social media. You can take up new activities to substitute your use of social media such as reading, walking, jogging, even listening to music, hanging out with friends, watching a movie and the list goes on and on.
Schedule posts: So for those who have businesses on social media or who make money off social media, or if you are a blogger/business owner and you rely on the traffic from social media to push your product, but desperately need a break, this is a good suggestion. I did not do this during my break because I just wanted a break from it all, blog inclusive. You can research apps that help people schedule their posts such as Hootsuite and the likes, so your posts are up and going even when you are offline.
Delete apps: In the event that you find yourself in dire need of a break from social media and the above options seem to fail, by all means, delete the apps. Do not log out, just delete them. This would help when you reach for your phone subconsciously because, well, you cannot log into what is not there in the first place.

While it is undeniable that social media possesses great advantages and continues to provide numerous opportunities for individuals and businesses alike, it is important to ensure that your use of social media, as with anything else in life, is done with utmost moderation.

Social media can be a great way to connect with people, but we need to remember that it is meant to be controlled by us and not the other way around.

If you would not be taking a social media break anytime soon, I challenge you to at least spend a little more time for the rest of this week, cultivating relationships offline. Call a loved one and, write a letter to yourself, do something fun alone or with friends that does not involve the use of your phone, take a walk, sing out loud to yourself…anything.

“Pay attention to humans, not your phone.”

I hope this was super helpful to you because it helped me immensely. Let me know what you think in the comment section!

P.S, If you would like to read more about social media addiction to know if you suffer from it and what you can do to curb it and cure it totally, check out this link

Be kind to yourself!

How to Develop a Reading Habit While Working a 9-5

So I often get asked how I am able to balance reading and read books (not that I even read so many books compared to some bookmaniacs) while working my 9–5, which in reality could be more like 8:30 – 7pm (or even 8pm). Work can get so time consuming and energy draining that as soon as you get home, your brain seems to switch off itself so much so that all you want to do is eat and sleep.

For some reading (who live in the Famous Lagos or cities with loads of traffic), you find that it is really not when you have survived ten hours of traffic after a hectic day that you feel like coming back home to read, even if it is a book you love (this adulting this ehn…na wa).

Meanwhile, my sister is making jokes, but not making jokes at how crazy Lagos traffic can be. If you know, you know.

And so we find that with each passing day, we wake up groggily, subconsciously press the auto pilot button and proceed to work, spending the entire day doing what we may not necessarily love in a bid to make ends meet. Then we come home, eat, exist as a couch potato for some hours while lazily browsing through TV channels or movies/series on Netflix to watch something we have probably watched before until we drift off to sleep. The next day, repeat.

Then the weekend comes and we are so worn out and exhausted that we either sleep the entire weekend or for those of us that suffer from chronic FOMO, we find ourselves at events that we may not necessarily want to go to, scroll through social media so we do not get bored while there and then go home after uploading how “fun” it was.

It can be quite a rollercoaster.

In time, I have learned to adopt ways to balance reading while working my 9-5 and they have paid off amazingly. Now, I would be the first to admit that this not the easiest thing in the world to do. Really. In fact, sometimes, it is just plain tough. Sometimes, I see a book I would love to start or finish but I feel so exhausted on the inside from work to the point where I cannot even remember my name so I find myself shoving the book aside while telling myself “Abeg, it’s not bar finals, I cannot kill myself.”

Admittedly, it can get a little discouraging when you go on social media and see that people are reading a book a month, or even 3 books in a week while you struggle with that one book that sits on your shelf looking lonely and abandoned. And it is pretty easy to feel “Oh, these ones have time” but I promise, people are making it work and it is very possible for you to make it work as well. The question is “How bad do you want it?”

We all have 24 hours in a day and what you do with yours is pretty much up to you. So if you are earnestly seeking ways to develop a reading habit or just balance reading with your 9-5, here are some tips that I have adopted and continue to adopt that help me out.

Change your mindset

You cannot even begin to start reading anything or keep to track without developing a positive and determined mindset. The mind is so powerful that whatever you put it to, it can do! So stop telling yourself “I’m just too lazy” or “I do not have the time” or “I am always so tired” or “There is just no way I can read with this my job”. Some of us swear we have the hardest jobs on the planet and so we cannot get a word of a book in. BUT! It is possible to read and maintain that hectic job as long as you are determined. So the first step is to get rid of that negative mindset.

Create Time

When I ask people why they do not read even though they have a burning desire to do so, the number one reason I have heard literally countless times is “I do not have the time”. Plis dear, you had the time to just check your instagram or snapchat for 45 minutes. Yup, it was 45 minutes but you thought it was just 5 minutes. And no, satan had nothing to do with this one. So, you do not have time? Create the time! Even if it is 30 minutes a day, you can consciously carve it out of your busy schedule. After all, you carve out time for what you want to do.

Audio books

For my traffic babies who spend alot of time in traffic, this might be a great option. Some people have to drive through seemingly endless hours of traffic at night and early hours of the morning just to get from and to work and in those moments, you cannot pick up a book to read so audio books are worth a try. Personally, I am yet to get into these but I recently tried the excerpt of a book in audio format and absolutely loved it. So you may want to try this while driving or sitting in the bus or taxi instead of spending hours scrolling through social media. There are currently loads of Audio book apps on Android and iOS such as Audible, Audio Books, Serial Box, Scribd, Google Play Books, Kobo Books, Voice Audiobook and so on.

Become one with the Book!

Lol. Yes, it is that deep (kidding…not). At every point in time, if possible, your current read should be with you. A book is always in my bag during the week in case I have to go for a meeting or an enquiry and I am told to wait for a while. If you find yourself in Court or waiting for any reason, pull out the book and read! It takes a whole lot of discipline to just sit still and read while waiting and not fall into the temptation of whipping out your phone to scroll furiously. Utilise lunch breaks at work, find somewhere quiet and read instead of pressing phone. Make the book your partner in crime and spouse until you finish it.

Set a daily reading goal

Everyday, set a daily reading goal of what you want to accomplish. It does not have to be that deep. Just tell yourself or write it down somewhere you would not forget…no matter how little at first. The most important thing is to take the first step. It might be a chapter, a page, fifty pages or even just a line! With time, these goals would get bigger.

Repeat “I am not a couch potato!”

You are not a couch potato so no need to exist as one. Your body is probably currently wired to come back from work and crash on the couch while scrolling though TV programmes, but you can replace this habit with a better one. Repeatedly tell yourself you are not a couch potato and back those words up with action by resisting the urge to collapse on the couch and watch TV. Remember, this is all about your mindset and determination.

Eliminate distractions

For those of us who are self-diagnosed cellphone addicts (if you are one and still in denial, then weh done, continu), we know how hard this can be. Like, you literally check your phone every 5 minutes or 1 minute and it can be tough to totally eliminate distractions but it is worth an attempt. I usually have downtime on my phone for three hours in the evening where my apps shut themselves down (even though I run back to turn them on) but at least I am able to get an hour or even if its 30 minutes in. You may turn off your phone, turn off the TV or have a separate reading room or reading corner in your room or house where you do not take your phone to. Remember, determination and discipline.

Join a BookClub/Have an accountability partner

The book club could be physical or online. In my opinion, a physical book club has more advantages. This has helped me immensely because even on days I do not feel like reading, I remember that there is an upcoming book club meet where I would not want to go and look like dodo soaked in water because I did not finish the book of the month. So even though it means staying up a bit late, I find that I have the motivation to continue.

Members of The Readers’ Hub Book Club
At the TRH last book club meet

You may also wish to have an accountability partner with whom you share your reading goals (obviously preferably someone with similar or bigger reading goals…or someone who even likes reading in the first place sef ). Don’t go and be disturbing people who are not interested in reading to listen to your oral book reviews.

Don’t do “copycata”

We all love books differently and have different reading paces or speeds. We also have different job descriptions and while jobs may be similar, they may not be the same as the next person so it really does not make much sense to negatively compare yourself to someone who seems to read 5 million books in a year. Dey your own lane and read your book small small. Even on days you do not feel like, read at least a page. It helps to boost your confidence in your self-discipline and abilities when you are able to beat your chest (like King Kong) and say you read a page of a book that day.

Also, only read what you love! Especially if you are just trying to develop a reading habit for the first time. This can be a bit tricky where you belong to a book club which might select a genre you do not necessarily like as the book of the month. BUT…keep an open mind and you may just enjoy it. Trust me, I am speaking from experience.

Leave work at work!

This could be tough to do but try it. Once you close from work, avoid taking work home so you are not deep into the night working on what can be worked on the next day. By all means, please meet your deadlines and do not get fired, but try as much as possible to create personal time for yourself.

Look, the reality is that it is pretty easy to get enveloped in the craziness that is work while things that you may genuinely love to do get pushed to the back (this is not to say you may not love your work). You may find that in 6 months, all you have done is work, work, work while having done nothing personal for yourself that you enjoy.

It is also pretty easy to blurt out “Oh, I do not have time” and think of all the reasons why you may not be able to read a book, but you will find that it takes just as much energy to actually create that time. Like I mentioned earlier, the question remains, “How bad do I want it?”

Take stock of how you spend your time on an average day. The time spent engaging in mindless and unproductive office chatter could be used to refresh your brain and boost your creativity when you pick up a book you love to read. The time spent scrolling through instagram/snapchat stories or Netflix could be spent on that book.

Not having time is not a good enough excuse. Create time!

I hope you found this helpful! Let me know what you think in the comments!

Taking Thoughts Captive

I think a lot.

Like, if there was an olympic sport for overthinking, the organisers would have to create a new type of medal for me, because Gold would not be appreciative enough of my abilities when I come first. Lol. In fact, When I win whatever medal they give me, I would be the flag hoisted up high (because that podium no fit do me) while a personalized national anthem would be played for me (and I would flap dramatically in the wind like a flag) because the olympic officials would marvel at how good I am at overthinking…honestly, I marvel at my imagination sometimes too.

SO while I have found that my overthinking could be a blessing in a way, in the sense that my crazy imagination can run wild and keep me company on days where I do not particularly crave human company (on such days, I laugh out loud at some of the things I think, so much that I am sure my neighbours think I am crazy) and also serves as a filter through which I can pass ideas, plans and decisions, I have found that it could be a huge problem because, well, no one wants their thoughts to run too fast that they cannot control them or keep them up at night. Plus, no one wants to remain stagnant because they are constantly over-analyzing, overthinking and not taking any action.

Overthinking and Over-analyzing

If you are like me and you suffer from overthinkingporosis, then you know that while sometimes, you could take pride in your ability to analyse situations to the point where you take the right decisions, you could also be subject to analysis paralysis where you find yourself analysing situations, decisions and plans to the point where you are stagnant and cannot make a move.

For me, I am learning to have a find a healthy balance with my thoughts and in analysing situations so that I do not find myself in a rut where I can neither go forward or backward. I am therefore attempting to take risks, take decisions, try new things out to see how they go first instead of overthinking and analysing.

“Do not let perfect be the enemy of good. Do not let good be the enemy of done.”

ANTs

The thing with overthinking is that when you think alot, you are automatically more subject to an infestation of negative thoughts in your mind than the average thinker. These Automated Negative Thoughts (or ANTs as they are often called) always have a way of silently creeping up and invading your mind to the point where all that you think and are consumed by are negative thoughts.

“ANTs are cynical, gloomy, and complaining thoughts that just seem to keep coming all by themselves.
ANTs can cause people to be depressed and fatalistic, which have a profound impact on their lives. “I know I won’t pass that test on Tuesday.” This kind of thinking makes for a self-fulfilling prophecy: if they’ve already convinced themselves they won’t pass, they won’t study very hard and they won’t pass the test.
This type of thinking severely limits a person’s ability to enjoy his or her life because how one thinks on a moment-to-moment basis plays a large role in how one feels and how one conducts one’s affairs. If you are depressed all the time, you don’t expect good things to happen so you don’t try very hard to make them happen. The internal distress from melancholy thinking can make you behave in ways that alienate others, thus causing you to isolate yourself further.
On the other hand, positive thoughts and a positive attitude will help you radiate a sense of well being, making it easier for others to connect with you. Positive thoughts will also help you be more effective in your life. So, as you can see, what goes on in your mind all day long can determine whether your behavior is self-defeating or self-promoting.”
~Daniel G. Amen, MD

To get rid of these ANTs when they creep up, the first step is to identify that they are negative thoughts and that they are false. Once you have done that, you can then replace them with positive ones, the truth. The danger, however, is where you find yourself believing these negative thoughts as the truth. But, they are not true!

Some of the most common “species” of ANTs are:

“Always” thinking: thinking in words like always, never, no one, every one, every time, everything. You get something wrong one time and then you go “I always fail” or “I always get it wrong” or “No one loves me” or “Everyone hates me”.
Focusing on the negative: only seeing the bad in a situation.
Thinking with your feelings: believing negative feelings without ever questioning them.
Guilt beatings: thinking in words like “should, must, ought or have to.”
Labeling: attaching a negative label to yourself or to someone else like “stupid”, “dumb” and “failure”
Personalization: innocuous events are taken to have personal meaning.
Mind reading (RED ANT): believing that you know what another person is thinking, even though they haven’t told you.
Fortune telling (RED ANT): predicting the worst possible outcome to a situation.
Blame (RED ANT): blaming someone else for your own problems

The RED ANTS ( as the name implies) are like those ants that, when they bite, go so deep you feel it in your soul, that you begin to question your purpose in life while trying not to cry like a baby. But, these are all negative thoughts that can ruin you from the inside out if you allow yourself to continuously dwell on them.

BUT…you can regulate these thoughts. You can replace them with positive thoughts and you can get rid of them altogether! Trust me, I will be the first to admit that this is not the easiest thing in the world. In fact, it’s hard. In fact, it’s super hard, especially if you are like me and sometimes, your thoughts run too fast and before you know it, you’re already entrenched in negative thoughts. BUT it is possible to take these thoughts captive.

“You can train your thoughts to be positive and hopeful or you can just allow them to be negative and upset you. Once you learn about your thoughts, you can chose to think good thoughts and feel good or you can choose to think bad thoughts and feel lousy. That’s right, it’s up to you! You can learn how to change your thoughts and you can learn to change the way you feel.

Briefly, some ways I currently am learning to take my thoughts captive, especially negative thoughts that try to creep up are:

Repetition/Affirmations: This means consciously repeating positive words to yourself to replace the negative thoughts even though you do not feel like saying them or even if at that particular moment, you do not believe it. I have tried it and it works. Even when I am moody, I tell myself “I am happy. I am loved. I am special” I keep repeating same. In crisis situations, I go “I am calm, I am calm” and over time, you find that it sticks and.. this has been proven by science, your brain releases chemicals that make you believe these words and replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

So when a negative thought pops up, I try (and I have been tryyyinnnngggg…it is tough, but I made a decision to at least, try) to counter it with a positive one. I set it up against the truth; against God’s truth. And sometimes, I ask myself “this thing I am saying about myself, is it true?” “Is this what God thinks about me?” “Does God really see me as a failure, or as dumb, or as stupid?”

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” ~ 2 Corinthians 10:5 New International Version (NIV)

When faced with seemingly difficult tasks, I remind myself of previous tasks that I have overcome. I tell myself “I can do it” , “I can do it” even though I am shaking on the inside from fear or my heart is beating wildly. I tell myself “I can do all things”. Granted, sometimes, it is easier said than done, but hey, how would you know unless you tried? You say it over and over again until you believe it.

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength”
~Phil 4:13

One way to learn how to change your thoughts is to notice them when they are negative and talk back to them. If you can correct negative thoughts, you take away their power over you. When you just think a negative thought without challenging it, your mind believes it and your body reacts to it.”
~Daniel G. Amen, MD

Practicing gratitude: By doing this, you remind your self daily and with each moment of all your blessings; things you have that you take for granted, yet people would give anything to have. You remind yourself of the ways that God has come through for you in tough situations. You practice gratitude and you list out the things you are thankful for and you find that you feel better about what lies ahead.

Go easy on yourself : I talk about this a lot on my Instagram because I know that I am quite hard on myself. No, full disclosure, I can be really really hard on myself. I have been told by some very few people close to me and I am now consciously making an effort to go easy on myself and give myself some credit.

If you are your own worst critic, remember to relax and go easy on yourself. You did not come this far by accident, so you must be doing something right. And if you’re reading this thinking “But I haven’t even come far and have nothing going good for me right now” then re-read the point above.

Only the living can complain about how bad things are going.

Just go for it

If you are currently plagued with analysis paralysis and/or overthinking a decision you are about to take and have stalled for the longest moment, hesitate no longer! Just go for it! you can do it! You know those negative thoughts you are currently having about failure right now? The negative what-ifs? They would most likely not come to pass. BUT HOW WOULD YOU KNOW UNLESS YOU GO FOR IT?

I do not know who needed to read this today, but remember that once you start replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts, you will start having positive results. If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.

Change your thoughts, change your world.

“The soul becomes dyed with the colour of its thoughts.”― Marcus Aurelius

What Being A Lawyer Has Taught Me

It has been an amazing three years and some months of lawyering, Nigerian style and what can I say? Actually I can say a lot. For one, it’s been an interesting and eye-opening three years full of lessons, wins, losses, achievements and disappointments. But hey, we move.

Interestingly enough, it’s funny how I feel this profession chose me because when I was younger, all I wanted to become in this world was a banker. LMAO. I just thought about how bankers in Nigeria had to go to work today (my sister would read this and kill me). Yup, I wanted to work in a bank because I thought bankers were the richest people on the planet and had all the money in the world (if only I knew right? Lol). Then I wanted to be a computer…whatever. Computer scientist, computer analyst…I did not know the right word at the time; all I knew and felt strongly in my heart was that I wanted to work with computers because I thought all I would do all day is play computer games and “catch fun” in life.

Then I started watching all those 90s law tv shows and I loved how the Judges looked so regal and serious with their black gowns and gavels. So I felt that if I became a lawyer, I could become a Judge as well and then hit the gavel on anyone’s head as I pleased. And the thought of hitting people on the head with a huge brown gavel pleased me immensely. Honestly, this is the reason I became a lawyer…oh and the fact that I talked “too much” and typically, people would be like “oh you talk alot, you should become lawyer”.

Fast forward to decades after I made that decision (at the time of deciding, nobody told me of the devil that is the Nigerian Law School ooo), and needless to say, it was nothing like I imagined growing up but it has been three years of just learning and getting better. So, I currently practice as a Barrister and Solicitor of Nigeria (this sounds really cool, actually) and that means I appear in court on a regular basis and do some non-court legal work as well.

Shortly after the lawyer standing announced his name to the court as “Watchman”. I kid you not. The judge was shocked too. Poor guy, I’m sure he gets that everywhere he goes. Watchman, if you’re reading this..-nevermind.

I have learned quite a number of lessons working in a very high-standard-demanding top-tier law firm and from law in general. I have also learned some lessons from mixing with lawyers from different backgrounds with different ways of doing things. I share some of these lessons below:

There are always two sides to every story

Or should I say three…or even four; the parties’ sides, the truth and what the judge perceives to be the truth. Sometimes you hear a convincing “story” from someone and it seems too true so you immediately hop on it and ride with it to the death, meanwhile you may not even know this person, but you strongly believe“oh this has to be the truth…look how she’s crying or look how sad he is, he must be telling the truth” But I have learned and am still learning that there’s always another side to the same story and one should not get carried away with any sentimentalism no matter how “true” a story may seem. So the next time you are about to mentally bash someone after you’ve been told a story, remember that there’s most likely another side to the same story.

It is okay to not know

Generally, I’ve learned from practicing law that it’s not always about knowing all the laws to quote so as to sound smart to colleagues but also knowing where to find these laws. It is almost impossible to know all the time frames required by law for different issues or all the sections in all the laws (don’t worry, those people who come on TV to talk about legal issues did some research before hand. They’re not just quoting it from the top of their heads as they make it seem) which is perfectly fine.

Well, it’s definitely not okay to not know basic legal principles as a lawyer or not know the answers to questions at a meeting where you’re required to give a legal perspective on things. BUT…the lesson is while it is perfectly okay to not know everything, one must continuously strive to make an effort in personal development…so one does not look stupid when asked questions.

The loudest in the room is not always the smartest

Okay, this one I learned in court. My fellow Nigerian Barristers who have learned this can gather here for a photo. Please how many times have you been in court and someone is yelling at the top of their voice or flapping their gowns dramatically while occasionally glancing back at the gallery to show off their “legal prowess”? Meanwhile, the lawyer has no clue what he/she’s saying! Lawyers know this is generally termed “playing to the gallery” so that non-lawyers in court get the idea that the lawyer yelling is a top shot.

But this has been a real big lesson, learning that you can be smart and know things but don’t have to yell and shout all the time. How do they say it “Empty vessels make the loudest noise”.

When you hear another lawyer doing oversabi and arguing with even the judge trying to prove he’s right when he’s clearly wrong
When the judge hushes up the oversabi lawyer by giving a directive that leaves the lawyer speechless and everyone in court yells “as the court pleases!” and you want to say “And scene” while slowly chomping on popcorn

Don’t take things personal

They were not kidding when they said “It’s a man’s world”. This lesson is another one I’ve learned from going to court. Being a woman in a male dominated profession (in fact, in law, the higher you go, the less female lawyers one sees) could be tough. And it is filled with so many misogynistic men who genuinely believe a woman would not understand certain things that pertain to law just because she’s a woman. Sigh.

You just learn not to take things personally before you go and die on top of another person’s wahala. Some older male lawyers legit say things like “Ehn you won’t understand, you’re a woman.” or “My dear you know you’re a young woman, you can’t know these things.” And these words have stung when they have been said to me and it can be annoying and frustrating but I guess I have learned that it tells alot about the men making these statements than me and so I have had to learn not to take them personal.B

Patience!

Yup, another one I learned from attending court proceedings. Like, you just have to be patient. You have no choice. For someone like me who is mighty impatient, there’s nothing you can do when there are 29 cases on a cause list (where the cases to be handled by a judge are displayed…usually on a paper) and your case is the last one. If you like be impatient, you’ll just die there. Where do you want to go? You just learn to buckle in, keep yourself busy and learn to sit in one place for an extended period of time. And yes it can be exhausting and tiring, but I found that subconsciously learning patience is helping me in other areas of my life.

P.S, when I posted this photo on instagram, at least 15 people laughed at me and empathised at the same time. We know the struggle.

When your matter is actually no. 2 on the cause list but other lawyers keep calling their matters out of turn talking about *“My Lord, i apologise, i deeply apologise, but my cat just had a stroke and I’m depressed and so with your kind permission I would like to call no 7 out of turn. It’s not even going on”* Meanwhile, he’ll be there for 2 years moving motion on top matter that is not even going on. *cries in German*

Give your best!

I am learning to give my best in everything I do which is a hard lesson to learn because some days I’m on fire for the law (if that’s a thing) and some days are just bleh like googling for the next public holiday. But in the law firm I work, you really don’t have a choice but to bring your A-game to the table everytime because we take quality of work seriously.

“My Lord, if I could just adumbrate…just a little bit of adumbration… it would not be more than 2 minutes.” 3 years later…

It’s been an amazing three years and I look forward to many more experiences and lessons in the years to come!

Book Review: Dear Ijeawele or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions(#1/30)

THIS LITTLE BOOK IS FUEGO!

I did not intend that this would be my first read for 2019 but to say it blew my mind away (so much so that this is an onion typing this blog post right now) would be an understatement. Like. Wow.

If you cannot stomach the ideal concept of feminism (not the random, silly ideas being propounded by ignorant persons on social media or the ones being propagated by feminism extremists about cooking in the kitchen or pounding yam or fixing a car tire), then I suggest you stop reading. You know what? I actually suggest you keep reading…why not actually have an open mind into this seemingly dangerous word because that is basically what this book is about.

You’re still reading? Okay great.

So the book is actually a response letter Chimamanda wrote to her friend who sought her advice on raising her (the friend’s) daughter as a feminist…of course with some edits. Chimamanda is presumed to be an expert authority on the feminism topic so I guess that’s why she was consulted by her friend.

These two are must-reads but I’m only sharing my thoughts on “Dear Ijeawele”

While she may be considered a somewhat expert in the field of feminism, I would conclude from this read that some of Chimamanda’s views, in my opinion, are somewhat far-stretched.

That being said, it is safe to say that the book was thoroughly thought-provoking. All through, I would read certain paragraphs that would make me cringe internally as I tried to reconcile their truth with my mind’s subconscious and desperate clutch at what I have been conditioned to believe all my life as a female.

It is a tough one to chew on you know? Having to face a truth that goes against everything you have ever thought and desperately cling on to. I guess this is why Chimamanda is loathed by a lot of women… and men as well, globally. Yes, loathed.

So, yeah, I agreed with some parts…most of it actually…but some other parts, I was like…nehhh.

For example, Ahn ahn, aunty Chimmy, na wa. I disagreed with this statement to a large extent. Chivalry originally had nothing to do with women. Rather, the Age of Chivalry, which is commonly thought dead by most people (hence the common saying “chivalry is not dead after all”), promulgated certain ideals such as a soldier’s ethos, knightly piety, and courtly manners (emphasis on courtly manners) all conspire to establish a notion of honour and nobility. Even with its evolution in the 20th century, chivalry was never premised upon female weakness and to expressly state the contrary as has done by Chimamanda would, in my opinion negatively stretch the ideals of chivalry to an end that was never contemplated, just by wanting to show courteous manners or simply being nice and polite.

And this is a good time to birefly give my take on her “opening the door for a woman connotes that she is weak” talk. I personally do not think there is anything wrong with a man opening a door for a lady or anyone at all neither do I feel weak when I allow a man do that for me. I am pretty sure the average man does not go around thinking in his head “oh let me get that door for her, poor weak thing”. It’s more about being courteous or just simply being doing something nice for another person.

“The etymology of the word “chivalry” has become as lost and confused as “feminism,” and perhaps this is why the two seem to be perpetually at odds with one another. But at its core, chivalry can be described as the intersection of ideal knightly qualities, including but not limited to courtesy, generosity, valor and of course, an ability to take up arms. While not all of these characteristics are as applicable today as they were in days of yore, these are the same basic principles that should guide all human behaviour, regardless of gender.” ~ Emma Watson

Sooooo….funny enough, a few years ago, I would have aligned myself with Chimamanda on this point, but in the past couple of years, I have come to realize that while it is very much on point to teach the girl child that marriage is not the ultimate goal in life, nor is it the ultimate achievement or all a girl should aspire to be, it is okay for anyone to aspire to anything they want. I have met some women who aspire to be amazing wives and mothers to children. That is what they truly want. And you know what? If getting married is an achievement for them, then so be it. My thought on this is: allow people be what they want, aspire to what they want to or just set whatever they want to as achievements. A

Hahahaha. I can totally relate to this. Growing up, I was in love with trains and trucks. I never owned a barbie doll. My sister did but I was never interested in any of them. I was what society has termed a “tom-boy”. I would go out and play football with the boys getting dirty and rolling up and down in the sand. Or I would play football in the house, break something and immediately go to lay down peacefully beside my obedient peaceful sleeping sister and wish that in that moment, I was her. Then I would weep silently at the doom that was to come.

I had one pair of brown kito sandals that I was madly obsessed with and could not understand why I had to wear dresses to church or sit with my legs closed because I was a girl. Oh, how I wished I was a boy! For the longest time, I struggled with the idea that I was a girl.

I cannot count how many times I get asked “You watch football?” Or “You watch sports?” or “You play game?”which is always followed up with a “Oh, your boyfriend likes sports, that’s why right?” as if it is almost impossible that a female might actually be interested in sports. Like sports is not for human beings in general. Oh well, societal conditioning. Some ladies even go “Why should I watch football? Do I look like a man?” And I’m like….Again, societal conditioning.

Even the pink is for girls, blue is for boys…who came up with that though?

Excerpts of the book
Excerpts of the book

So yeah, while I respectfully and strongly disagree with some of Chimamanda’s views as expressed in the book, I can conclude that I loved the book to a very large extent. It is eye-opening, thought provoking and simply an interesting read. One can tell that Chimamanda’s mind is truly revolutionary, fresh and very much a force to be reckoned with.

I would recommend this to anyone anyday.

Overall score: 8/10

P.S. Feminism is basically an ideal that propounds the social, economic personal and political equality of sexes. This includes seeking to establish educational and professional opportunities for women that are equal to those for men. (Just in case you’re one of those that say “feminist but you cannot change a car tyre by yourself” or “feminist, but you are coming home to cook in the kitchen” or “feminist, but you expect him to pay for the dinner even though he asked you out” ) Lol, mahn!

P.S.S You do not have to take everything that a person says. You can actually welcome ideas with an open and willing mind, filtering the information by certain factors only you resonate with. Sometimes, we get tempted to shut everything out that a person says or expresses because it’s not something we ordinarily resonate with. We need to learn to be open to hearing other people’s views sometimes.

Feminism is not meant to be a barrier to either gender. Rather, it is meant to establish a sense of mutual understanding and respect that will allow for the entirety of humanity to operate at its best. Inequality of the sexes is not only a woman’s issue because it hurts men the world over as well. Our economy, our infrastructure, our very livelihoods suffer when men and women are not afforded the same opportunities. ~ Emma Watson

Who has read? What did you think of the book? Let me hear your thoughts in the comments!!

My Reading Goals For 2019

Hello, my name is Rachel and I suffer from a little bit of Tsundoku (okay, maybe not a little bit). No, I do not need any saving or cure as I am perfectly content enjoying this…illness or whatever it is. Oh, if you’re wondering what that strange Japanese word above is, kindly see below.

“Even when reading is impossible, the presence of books acquired produces such an ecstasy that the buying of more books than one can read is nothing less than the soul reaching towards infinity … we cherish books even if unread, their mere presence exudes comfort, their ready access reassurance.” ~A. Edward Newton

LOL. This quote totally defines how I feel. “The soul reaching towards infinity?” Yup.

I have always loved books a little more than normal since I was a kid and now I cannot imagine a phase in my life or a month where I don’t have a book I’m reading. This would have been perfectly normal if I did not love the smell of new books in a weird way. Funny thing is, I think I have this demon that opens my wallet anytime I happen to accidentally fall into a bookshop or wander brainlessly into a store where books are being sold.

So how this demon works is that I miraculously find a new book when I have at least 50 others that I have not read and it becomes so appealing that I just have to buy the book (if not the world as we know it would come to an end), which would be kept for another day. Sometimes, when the demon is feeling alive and well, I end up buying four or five at once! I have tried to put an end to this demon, but my village people have been winning the battles; but oh! *re-ties wrapper*, they shall not win the war! *stares at the heavens hopelessly, sinks to the ground in sadness and chomps on a donut*

*inserts quote about doing whatever makes you happy in life because that’s the only thing that matters blah blah blah

Okay, so for 2018, I had a goal to read at least one book a month for the year. It started off really great, but with the craziness at work and other demanding deadlines, it became really tasking to focus on one book and see it through till the end. I was however able to see my goal through to the end (also with the help of The Readers’ Hub Book Club) and that is one little victory I am super proud of.

Some of the amazing must-read books I read in 2018 include The Four Agreements, The Alchemist, The Richest Man in Babylon, Born a Crime, Elon Musk (a biography), The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives, Emotional Intelligence, The Greatest Salesman in the World, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff and The Rules of Life. I posted some reviews on the blog which you can read here I’ll also be doing reviews on each of the books I read as I go along, so help me God.

Soooo…what are my reading goals for 2019? I am glad you asked.

First of, I hope to be more disciplined in my reading (I have cancelled my Netflix subscription as a first step since I spend a lot of time on that…I was however able to watch Bird Box before my membership was cancelled…yeah, you should see that) and more committed as well.

Also, I hope to read at least 30 books in 2019. With some discipline, hard work and determination as well as consistency, I believe I will be able to accomplish this. I am fully aware that some days would be crazier than the rest and that some days would not be as encouraging as the others but I am willing to work hard towards my goal. I love reading, I love the information I get from some of these books as well as the opportunity to be able to enter an alternate universe and exist there for the duration of my reading.

I have also found that my interest in books by African writers has peaked incredibly. Well, this is a huge advantage of being part of a book club. You are forced out of your comfort zone and get exposed to genres that you would not ordinarily find yourself reading or picking up at a book store. Now, I’m hooked(Meanwhile I am almost done reading this book and I love it! A simply great read!)

So for 2019 (assuming the demon does not creep up again…which I know it would, but I’m not particularly worried about), some of what I would be reading in my #30For2019 are:

Becoming by Michelle Obama
The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari by Robin Sharma
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
Pre-Suasion by Robert Cialdini
We should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
One Indian Girl by Chetan Bhagat
Bitter Leaf by Chioma Okereke
The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy
Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions by Chimanda Ngozi Adichie
The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz
My Sister the Serial Killer by Onyinkan Braithwaite
A tale of two cities by Charles Dickens
Freshwater by Akwaeke Emezi
Whatever amazing book selections we have at The Readers’ Hub Book Club

I have found that coupling consistent reading with working a 9-5 (which in reality is like 8:30-7) can be quite daunting, but I am one of those who believe that as long as you put your mind to it, there is simply nothing that cannot be done. If you’d like to be more consistent in your reading, some common suggestions are:

Set a daily page goal; perhaps 10 or 15 pages? Or for an hour or thirty minutes? Depending on your speed. Just be consistent
Be realistic; don’t go and say you’re reading 100 books in 2019 when you know you may not have the time or you have not even started reading an article a year, not to talk of one book a year.
Quit early; don’t die ontop boring book biko. Move on to a book you will enjoy.
Get rid of distractions; you can put your phone on airplane mode or turn it off while you read your daily page goal.
Join a bookclub; this can help with accountability and exposing you to new interesting genres. Oh, and if there are no book clubs where you are, start one! You’d be surprised at the number of people that would be on board with the idea.
Make the process enjoyable; isss not everybody that likes reading, figure out what you like, isss not by force. But reading is of great advantage.
Change your mindset: All the steps above would be meaningless unless you change your negative mindset that you do not have enough time or it’s not easy or you cannot do it. Think about all the time you spend on social media or Netflix or just lazying around. If you really are determined, you can do it. You can create time. You can read as much as you put your mind to! All you need to do, as with every other goal, is to decide and then ACT!

I hope you’re able to smash those reading goals you have set for yourself this year!

Was this helpful? What are your reading goals for 2019? What would you be reading? Have you read any of the books I listed above? I would love to hear from you in the comments!

Chapter 2019!

Ahhh. *exhales* A new beginning…a new chapter…a fresh start…another chance.

That is what the new year offers us, isn’t it? Second chances, opportunities to right those wrongs and a chance to rewrite the past and start all over, or to just continue and grow. The new year always bursts forth with its freshness, golden opportunities, fullness and all round positivity. Funnily, the new year or I should say, the first few days of the first month of any year can proudly boast of its ability to invoke certain levels of seriousness and sober reflection in the minds of human beings.

For me, it is great to be back to reality and work (I promise, it would be great from Monday), having had the opportunity to refresh my mind and body and just get some rest. Abuja is always a breath of fresh air, especially being in Lagos for a while. Lol. the reasons are not hard to recognize (meanwhile, this is a really good time to note that Lagos’ harmattan was stuck in traffic and so could not make it which explains why it was so hot).

Isn’t it weird how the tree or whatever this is supposed to be looks like it’s pointing at something? You can see it too, right?

Yes, for those of us who like to believe it, we have each been gifted a brand new chapter, a fresh start. And whether you want to admit it or not, there’s something pretty exciting about a fresh start. A lot of you reading this may have already proudly penned down, physically or mentally, your goals and resolutions for the new year. I would resist the urge to lunge into the psychologically and scientifically proven benefits of actually penning down goals on paper.

A lot of you reading this have also opted not to share any of these goals with anyone, riding on the subconscious mantra of wanting to “do more, speak less”. And a lot of you reading do not feel the need to have resolutions or goals as you are constantly setting goals for yourself through out the year. Whatever the case may be, you find that you most likely feel the same positivity and optimism you felt in January of 2018 that you’re going to get things right this time. You may have started in 2018, but left some goals unfinished or even promised to start but could not get around to it.

Whatever your journey in 2018 may have been; disappointing, mind blowing, frustrating, full of growth, nothing to write home about, exceptional, amazing, boring, not as you may have wished…2019 presents a clear chance to start over. In starting over, you may want to consider some of the following suggestions: (I call them the 4Ps or 4…I just realize I don’t know what come after cube root…aha! Google is your best friend. Apparently, after the cube root, they’re called 4th root, 5th root, 6th root and so on. You’re very much welcome)

Plan. Prepare. Perform. Pursue

Plan: The year is starting out and you have taken note of what you want to accomplish this coming week, this month and this year. You need to plan. Plan how you would attack these goals. Plan in detail how you want to achieve these goals. Break them down into mini goals that are not overwhelming and plan how you’re going to achieve the mini goals. Yes, “life happens” on some occasions, but that is no reason to abandon planning. You want to save? Plan. You want to travel? Plan. You want to start a business? Plan. You want to get into school or take a course? Plan

“A goal without a plan is just a wish.”
~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Prepare: Be prepared for the successes and challenges that may come your way as you achieve those goals, lest they overwhelm and shake you. Be prepared to make mistakes and be prepared to fail. Be prepared for delays that my not necessarily be denials. Be prepared to do great things.

“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”~ Benjamin Franklin

Perform: And when you’re done planning, preparing yourself for all possible outcomes, analyzing and overthinking; When you’re done consulting, researching, finding alternative means, resources, sources, back ups, capital…whatever it may be, GO FOR IT! Just go for it. It may never be perfect at the first go, and mistakes are definitely bound to be made along the way, but the most important thing is getting it done; being brave enough to put yourself out there for the world to see your light. Surround yourself with encouragers. Avoid procrastination and go for it!

“Done over good.”

Pursue: And after planning, preparing and performing, I hope that you will remember this tiny vital bit; keep going. Pursue your passion, that which your heart desires and craves for, that which sets your soul on fire, that which makes you feel more alive than you have felt in a while. Pursue it with all your heart and might until you are satisfied. Pursue it with all you’ve got even when others do not seem to understand. And when the storms come, when the obstacles show up, when the going gets tough, remember your why and just keep going. Don’t give up. The beginning is always the hardest. Just keep going.

“When the going gets tough, put one foot in front of the other and just keep going. Don’t give up.” ~ Roy Bennet

So here’s to quietly smashing unimaginably amazing goals in 2019 and being the best versions of our very beautiful selves!

May 2019 bring us peace, joy and crazy happiness as we achieve all we ever dreamed of achieving.

Lagos, Leisure and Lessons

Happy new year again guys!

It’s been an amazing holiday so far, just relaxing and taking a break from it all, physically, socially and mentally.

I spent the last couple of weeks in Lagos (the city where madness prevails, the city that sleeps not and the city where 100k Naira can go just like that) bonding with family and friends but mostly refreshing my mind and body in…solitude for lack of a better word. I literally cannot remember the last time I did that…did nothing; did nothing and was not pressured by any external factors; did nothing and was proud of myself for doing nothing.

I cleansed my mind and was quite empty for a while which felt really good. People did attempt to call me and lure me into their absolutely unnecessary urgencies but I swatted them away like flies…mentally of course and it felt really good. I’ll be doing a lot of swatting away in 2019 to protect my mental space.

One cannot underestimate the importance of rest for the mind and the body. The mind is so used to doing something at every point in time that you may find your mind fighting you when you try to get some rest and do nothing. It’s like it tells you “You’re not doing anything! You have to be doing something!” Then you lazily scramble around looking for something seemingly productive to do so you don’t feel like a soggy donut.

Anyway I fought my mind back and came out victorious…and slept like a dog for most of the weeks. Sleeping is one of my favourite things really, I remember when I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life some years ago (not that I fully do now anyway) and did some research to find out whether there were any organisations or companies that employed people to sleep and then maybe they tested the relationship between sleep and some hormones in the human body but the job description would entail sleeping and then getting paid in thousands of dollars at the end of the month or so…I digress.

I also watched a lot of movies I have watched before. I love old movies where I already know what’s going to happen in the end. I did however step out of my comfort zone and go see Aquaman (which is a must see in my opinion) and loved every bit of it. I also proudly and without any shame whatsoever, ate to my satisfaction and probably now weigh a million kg, but hey, who’s counting… TeamFitFam2019!

Lagos Island brings back fond feelings of nostalgia and now that I’m not immersed in the crazy Lagos life anymore, it’s weird how I can smile at the traffic, the ridiculously high Taxify prices, the persistent and deafening honking of cars and perhaps humans alike, the craziness and hustle and bustle of it all. I smile at it every time because I know I’ll leave soon to come back again another time and repeat. Loool.

In one of my numerous moments in solitude, I pondered deeply on growth in general and my growth so far as a person in various aspects of my life. I thought about growth from different angles. Growing through phases of life; growing to mental maturity to deal with certain situations, growing through pain; growing in one’s craft and/or career.

The one thing constant in growth is time. Growth takes time.

I’ve found that it is soooo easy to get caught up comparing where you are in life to where you want to be or feel you should be or even get caught up comparing your beginning to another’s end without understanding their beginning. You can admire another person’s destination and learn from their mistakes but do not feel as though you’re not as good or you can never make it or even be better than the person you admire.

I love growth because if you’re deeply honest with yourself, you can see how far you’ve come in whatever area of your life.

“Love yourself enough to create an environment in your life that is conducive to the nourishment of your personal growth. Allow yourself to let go of the people, thoughts, and situations that poison your well-being. Cultivate a vibrant surrounding and commit yourself to making choices that will help you release the greatest expression of your unique beauty and purpose.” ~ Steve Maraboli

Nourish your personal growth. Celebrate the little victories. Enjoy the process and look forward to the destination.

Discovering Dubai (Tales from the DXB!) Pt.1

The Wig Separation

Soooo, this tale involves a wig, an air hostess and a puke bag. I have already told the humans in my life (and Artaxerxes…my pet apple (yes I have a pet apple! who is dying slowly by the way… and honestly if you do not know about him then I do not even know who you are to me) who would be otherwise embarrassed for me. Then again, they know this one is not normal so that is very much fine. Thank you very much. God bless.

Okay, to the main story….So the day my mom and I were to travel to the DXB, we had an early morning start even though our flight was scheduled for later that night (like by 6:30pm), I do not know if it’s because we were excited or because we had a lot of stuff to do before we left- one of the things I had to do was get a new charger….which I did.. and which got bad that day which I only figured out when my battery was 5 percent down. I had proudly whipped out my new charger at the airport when we had checked in and were settled down, only to find out that it was not working. I basically had to roam around the airport like a homeless porcupine to see if I would find some good samaritan with a phone charger that would be willing to lend same to me.

After a long and tiring (about one and a half minutes) search, I ended up making friends with random people including but not limited to two nice Rwandan guys (one of whom I cannot even pronounce nor spell his name) and a friendly South African Lady (in the picture below) so I could use their phone chargers. They turned out to be super cool and smart too. Had amazing conversations with them. And so began my quest to see how I could travel to Kigali in 2019 because those east african accents though…

The friendly super nice Rwandan and South African

I digress. Anyway I was super excited and got ready a little too early ready to run all the errands we had to run. So I wore my bomb wig which I found was a little snug. I was feeling myself and about to whip the hair back and fourth but then I was like…erm what about if we landed in Dubai and we were strolling and the crown prince of the DXB, Al Maktoum, bumped into me and suddenly realized I was his soulmate but then the wig fell off while I was having dinner with him or something.

So I was like no way, we’re getting this wig to fit just right. (To be fair, a couple of months back, I wore a wig that was quite snug to a kart race track and then got the tight small helmet on before the ride. I had an absolutely great time on the ride, forced my colleague to take great pictures, but then when I got out of the kart to remove the helmet, then wig kinda…. you know how that story most likely ended.) I was not about to give any explanations to the crown prince.

Saddled with this motivation, I went and did oversabi and over tightened the wig. At that point I was too excited so I did not realize how tight it was. All I could imagine was me whipping the hair back and fourth like Beyoncé while running on the beach in slow motion. As long as it did not fall out.

Schooling my mom on how to take pictures 21st century style

So I had the wig on the whole day (from like 8am) and then we got on our evening flight at like 7pm or so. We even had to wait at the airport for a while because we got in super early.

The first five hours of the flight were good; feelings of excitement, eating everything in sight (indifferent about the plane food to be fair plus I was hungry so it tasted divine to me) and just enjoying the experience of it all. I fell asleep watching a movie, which I cannot even remember.

By the sixth hour which was around 2am DXB time (or whatever country we were hovering over), I woke up to go to the bathroom. This faint feeling suddenly washed over me and my heart started racing. I broke out into a sweat and made my way slowly to the bathroom. I thought I was getting airsick but could not explain the feeling. Having been done from the bathroom, I staggered a little down the aisle to my seat but then the feeling got worse so I just sat in an empty seat not too far from where we were seated mostly so mother would not have a heart attack and scream at the pilot to stop the plane because her child was feeling sick and I knew I did not look great.

By now, I was sweating profusely and feeling nauseous. I then told one of the air hostesses who was serving drinks “oh I feel faint” then she goes “feel faint? Why?…why?….why?…” And she kept on asking “why” “how?” because even I did not understand why I was feeling how I felt. Anyway she gave me a puke bag and moved away still looking confused. I managed to get back to my seat with my sweaty, not so good looking self. As soon as I turned to my mother and said, “I don’t feel too good, I feel faint”, she went “it’s this your wig! You’ve been wearing it the whole day! Remove it!” (If you know my mom, you would probably have said how she said it). LMAO.

Honestly, at that point, there was nothing left to slay again when I was feeling like I was about to pass out. Before I could say anything she had reached for the wig and yanked at it. I did not even struggle. It’s not like the crown prince would even be on the flight. So we removed the wig (which I laid perfectly on my head so it looked like it was still on sha) and asked for cups of water. A few minutes and cups of water later, I was feeling great and like I would not die. Almost everyone around us was even asleep anyway so no one was bothered by that…and if they were I didn’t care at that point.

Anyway, the moral of the story is you can’t slay when you’re dead.