I hope that as you leave 2021 behind, you are proud of yourself; that you are proud of how far you have come, not necessarily in terms of what the world may count as achievements and accomplishments, but in terms of how far YOU have come. I hope that as you review your year, you practice self-compassion and remember that your worth is not tied to your accomplishments
I hope that you look back on the year, not with regret or pain, but with peace; a peace that surpasses all understanding, that envelopes you and makes you feel warm on the inside and that gives you hope for tomorrow.
YOU have made it and that is all that matters.
You may not feel like this year was anything to write home about. You may still be dealing with some unresolved disappointment, blow or pain that the past months or year have thrown at you. BUT YOU are here and YOU are present. YOU should be proud, if not for anything, but for this.
It is true that where there is life, there is hope, there is opportunity, there is chance; A chance to heal, a chance to right wrongs, a chance to start all over, a chance to keep going, a chance to grow… a chance to live.
So this is not a piece to help you take stock of how the year has been or to give “tips” on how to bounce back from a rough 2021. While these may be useful, this is a simple piece to once again celebrate YOU, for making it this far and for not giving up.
So here’s to YOU. 🥂
Remember, the world is always better with you in it.
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“Even if you did nothing, you are still worthy; worthy of love, of friendship, of happiness, of peace and of laughter. Your “amazingness” does not come from “the things you do” but who you are at your core.”
– Rachel Eyo
When was the last time you enjoyed just being?
Just being you; kicking back and relaxing; being present and enjoying the beauty that is life; doing nothing.
More often than not, we tend to find “joy” in “doing”, in being motivated, in being busy and in being “productive”. We swell with pride at an accomplished feat and sometimes do not even pause to celebrate said feat. Rather, we’re immediately on to the next task, goal, mission or vision. And if we fall short after a victory, we are quick to get hard on ourselves, forgetting the recent victory we forgot to savour. We are constantly on the move and not stopping soon, not even to get proper rest. Sometimes we proudly say “sleep is for the dead” and worse, we believe it.
The fast-paced world we live in occasionally makes us feel being busy (not “productive”) all the time is a good thing and not being busy is a not-good thing. Social media has exacerbated this feeling due to the fact that we have constant access to a steady stream of daily updates of things “being done”.
As a result, we’re constantly “doing”, constantly attending meetings, working, creating, dashing here and there, meeting deadlines and working some more. In fact, we subconsciously derive some joy and validation from constantly doing to the point that believe that if we are not busy or doing something, then we have nothing significant to contribute to the world. This explains why taking some time out to rest or vacationing with family without looking at a laptop could prove very difficult for some people.
Thus, we tie our worth and self-validation to what we do, achieve or accomplish; When we “do” and are busy, we are worthy and amazing. When we are doing nothing, we are not worthy and so we fidget and fight ourselves and look for something to occupy our minds and we are restless through out.
I’m learning to enjoy the art of being, enjoying my existence, the present moment, breathing in the fresh air and taking one step at a time. While I hardly get bored(because I’m always with one book or the other, lol), I’m learning to be okay with doing nothing at certain points and just appreciate life for what it is. Sometimes, it feels weird because I’m used to “doing” and feel weird when I’m not doing, but I’m slowly unlearning glorifying “busy”-ness and “doing”.
So, be okay with being bored occasionally, be okay with the quiet, take walks, REST, meditate, unplug from social media and the noise occasionally and bask in the beauty that is life.
I want to be wrapped up in vast cultures, languages and the heritage of the human experience;
I want to explore lands, valleys, hills and mountains of different shapes and sizes located on the far ends of the earth;
I want to travel through time as I rewind or fast forward the hands of my watch due to time change of different countries;
I want to experience being terribly jet lagged in a failed attempt to adjust and re-adjust my sleep pattern;
I want to fall asleep in or remain awake in cities where the sun does not set and the night is day;
I want to be insignificant in the throng of humans who can neither see me nor understand my language;
I want to be thrown into utter confusion in the market places of different cultures where I can neither understand the languages of humans who will appear strange to me but are still bound by market principles;
I want to be humbled by my invisibility and the unimportance of my opinions; most of which I hold as true and dear to me;
I want to revel in and taste amazing platters of food; the names of which are difficult for me to pronounce and made from ingredients too complex to understand but so simple in taste; ingredients that I am not aware exist;
I want to walk the lonely, beautiful and old streets of cities whose buildings boast of a rich history known to only the world;
I want to swim in waters so crystal clear perfectly reflecting the sky’s blue-ness or green-ness with animals that I’m all too familiar with only on “animal planet” or “google”;
I want to feel the snow in the palm of my hands and watch it slowly change form; my mind’s eye aware of a nearby waterbody o( natural or artificial) frozen over;
I want to explore cities and farmlands, meadows and valleys whose realities are more beautiful than the pictures taken of them;
I want to see this beautiful earth, for what it is and the beauty that lies within and without.
You have composed your first song; you have written your first blog post; recorded your first Youtube video, gathered content to launch your website; tidied up your CV; written your masters’ application essay, put together content for your first webinar/masterclass/event or come up with a brilliant business idea with a stunning business plan and proposal even you are proud of.
You are eager to get the process going.
You are stuck.
You are paralysed.
You cannot seem to take any step further because you are plagued by the need to ensure that everything you have done is perfect.
You probably suffer from perfectioniosis and have no one to tell you. Your need for perfection may be your blessing and curse in that your refusal to accept nothing less than your idea of “perfect” helps you produce top quality work, but may paralyse you when all you need to do is just get started.
If you do find yourself stalling intentionally on getting things done, here are 6 tips to help you overcome perfectionism and just get started:
1. Develop a Growth Mindset
“A growth minded person believes that they can learn anything as long as they are willing to put in enough effort into it. If theyfail, they would get back up and try again, this time with new knowledge about what not to do. They realize that their potential is only limited by their willingness to work hard and keep trying new approaches until something works.”
A growth minded person takes on challenges, learns from them and increases their abilities and achievements. He or she does not see failure in its raw form and does not get discouraged or devastated by mistakes, but sees each failure as a learning opportunity or as an opportunity to be better and to do better. He/she sees failure not as an evidence of unintelligence, but as an opportunity for growth. He/she is constantly willing to improve, is positive about the future and hopeful that his/her goals would be achieved.
When you develop a growth mindset, you are gradually able to overcome perfectionism as you learn to accept that failures are a part of the process. Your first try is not expected to be superb neither is it expected to be perfect.
“In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work-brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment.”
2. Remember, “Done over Perfect”
This is so important to remember in whatever task or project you may be working on. You may be waiting for the perfect time or the perfect person, or perfect equipment, or perfect result, or perfect scenario. Just stop waiting and get started!
The perfect time is now. Every second you waste trying to “get things together” or “put the finishing touches” is another second that you lose fussing over things that may not matter. Be okay with learning as you go along. No one is ever perfect the first time around. Mastery takes time, practice and consistency. You may be worried about what other people think of the quality of your work, but put in your best and put it out there. How would you know if you do not try?
Also, be okay with welcoming constructive criticisms and feedbacks. Do not take them personal.
3. Avoid Unhealthy Comparisons
Do not in anyway compare yourself to the next person.
Sometimes these unhealty comparisons creep up subconsciously and we waste valuable time dwelling on them and feeling less than competent to handle certain tasks because we are too busy concentrating on the next person’s strengths and not ours.
A growth minded individual realizes that each person has his/her gifts, talents, strengths and weaknesses and has an equal chance at developing same as each individual is unique in his/her own way. Focus on your strengths and develop your weaknesses into strengths. Also, feed your potential.
Time spent watching another person’s progress and comparing to yours, reduces the time you have to focus on your journey and goals.
Remember, comparison is the thief of joy.
4. Fall in Love With the Process
Enjoy the learning process of it all.
Life is in various stages and phases with each one presenting a plethora of lessons you can learn from. You could find that you are so obsessed with end results and expectations within a certain time frame that you get impatient and begin to freak out when the process goes beyond that expected time frame.
Embrace each phase and each lesson that can be learned from life, all the while expecting the best to come and working hard to achieve it. Do not worry about how you are going to be perfect or how it will work out. Just put your head down and do the work. Success will come.
The prize is in the process.
5. Believe In YOU
Seems pretty basic right?
The reality is if you are letting time pass you by and not getting started on your goals, then you do not believe in yourself so much. You have chosen to focus on your weaknesses and not your strengths. You have chosen to listen to the negative “what if’s” over the positive “what ifs”. You have decided that you are not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty/handsome enough or not qualified enough to get things done
The most important question to ask yourself when you get consumed with these self-limiting beliefs and doubtful thoughts is “How true are these thoughts?” Alot of time, we drown ourselves in thoughts that are not true; thoughts and fears that prevent us from getting what we truly want. Your fears are really just that and they almost never come true anyway.
So what are you waiting for? It does not have to be perfect the first time and there is always room for growth and self-improvement.
Stop doubting your greatness.
You can do it.
Just get started!
Watch this book review I did on Jen Sincero’s book You Are A Bad Ass which has given me the inspirational and motivational push I needed to keep going after my goals. (Also, please subscribe to my Youtube Channel)
I’m sitting in the dark (of choice) typing this on the WordPress app on my phone which I recently discovered because, well, my laptop decided to have a mind of its own and develop a faulty screen. I have now been without my baby for about 2 days, the longest time I’ve been without my her, I think. I do not own a television so I’m not watching that. Televisions are not my thing, really. I don’t know when that started but I haven’t owned one for the past 5 years or so.
It’s the funniest thing how I would typically spend my Saturdays indoors, resting and reading, perhaps shooting content for my YouTube channel or going to book club meet and listening to some very smart people share their perspectives on the book we would have read that month.
However, this Saturday certainly feels different because for the first time, I’m not “allowed” to go anywhere; to move about, to hang out with my crazy friend who gives me life or to go get frozen yogurt from Tutti Frutti. We had our book club meet online today and while it was interesting, it was different.
Had this Saturday gone the way it was supposed to, I would have been surrounded by family and loved ones at a cocktail dinner party in an amazing dress, with professional make up and amazing hair, feeling like Beyoncé et Rihanna with a good-looking date on my arm and dancing like there would be no tomorrow.
I can see it clearly in my head as I type; everything happening in slow motion with music in the background. I am dancing and laughing out loud, being twirled around by the most handsome man in the room as we attempt to out-dance each other. I’m sipping wine I don’t like (because I don’t like alcohol generally) and just having a great time. My nephew, who can now walk, is running to me and I lift him in the air as he squeals in excitement. Then again, if I know my nephew very well, he might be asleep or not in the mood to be carried by anyone since he’s now a grown man at 1 year old and can now make life choices for himself.
Life is funny. We make all the plans in the world but at the end of the day, it’s not up to us. There’s only so much we can control. Man proposes and God deposes, right? Hard truth right there. This is why it is important to make the most of life at any given life. Don’t wait until there’s a pandemic to want to travel and see the world, to take that chance, to do something you’ve always wanted to or be who you’ve always wanted to be.
I’m also understanding how sometimes, it really is the simple things that bring joy and happiness; how at the end of the day, it really is the simple things that matter; the things we often times take for granted.
Fresh air and long walks, a hug here or there from a friend or a loved one, a drive by to get frozen yoghurt, being able to hop on a plane to be with the people who matter the most to you whenever you want, walking through the supermarket and buying things without anxiety or paranoia, going out on Friday night with your girls to have drinks…
It’s day 5 of Lockdown and I’ve learned more about myself in 5 days of being “locked down” and in “self-isolation”; more than I have in the past couple of months, even though I’m not typically surrounded by a lot of people on a normal day.
I am doing the best I can to remain positive, I speak to my family and friends occasionally and I’m confident within me that we will overcome this. I know that God will continue to be with us. He never leaves us hanging. In the spirit of full disclosure, I did ask him some questions at the beginning to find out why this was happening. I needed to however make peace with not knowing why; with not having all the answers to every question I asked and I did make peace.
When this is over, I know the things I’m definitely not taking for granted. I hope you do too.
I know that this will be over soon, for this too shall pass.
If you’re currently in a slump and feeling a little less than motivated to work towards the goals you have set for the year, chances are, you need a little booster to get you back on track.
You may be feeling a little less than motivated to go to work, finish a book, tap into your creative side to come with with new ideas, finish that online course, pray, work on your relationship with God or whatever it may be. The funny thing is you may not be able to identify any reason for the lack of motivation.
It is important to remember that motivation is not a constant thing, it comes and goes. And it is safe to assume that this applies to all human beings (just in case you were tempted to compare yourself to the next person who seems to have everything figured out.).
So what ways can you motivate yourself to get back on track and focus on achieving your goals?
Remember Your Why
Go back to your why.
Why did you set this goal? What do you seek to achieve with this goal? Write these down as you ponder on them.
It really helps to know the purpose for which you are starting a particular journey so that when you find yourself in a slump, you can find the fire to continue. Read motivational and inspirational books, listen to podcasts, fill your mind with positive and inspiring content and have inspiring conversations.
Share your Goals
Admittedly, this could be scary to do sometimes because you want to make sure you follow through when you share your goals with another person. However, it is important to share your personal goals with close friends or family who can help keep you motivated.
Sharing your goals is as important as who you share your goals with. Remember, the whole idea of talking about your goals is to boost motivation. So, in sharing these parts of you which you may be nervous to share, you want to be on the lookout for people who you know would keep you on your toes in an encouraging way.
Sharing your goals does not only provide you with accountability and encouragement, but suggestions and advice on what you can do better to achieve the desired goals. This could serve as a much needed boost to help you reach your destination.
Build on Small Successes
Sometimes. its easy to lose motivation when the goal ahead seems too huge or just too much.
However, if you break down the goals into mini-goals and micro-mini goals, then the goal is you can achieve almost anything.
Remember to take one day at a time and in doing that, take one moment at a time. You could write down your mini goals for the day or for the week and paste them anywhere you have a lot of access to so you can be reminded of those goals. Take one task at a time and then you find that in doing that, the momentum builds.
Do not forget to celebrate little victories when they happen. You deserve to celebrate and enjoy your small successes .
Always remind yourself to identify the positive results and not the negatives that would come out of achieving your goals. Remind yourself that you are a winner; you can do it and you will do it!
Make a decision to get back on track and stay there!
Love and Light,
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As a recovering control freak, one of the hardest things I have learned and am still learning is occasionally stepping out of my comfort zone and taking big little steps in the pursuit of my goals.
Admittedly, stepping out of your comfort zone may be difficult to do; in that it is the space in your life that brings you the most comfort and where you do not have to deal with nerve-racking uncertainties.
As human beings, we are wired for comfort and tend to seek out a peaceful existence where we are in control and can plan accordingly. We are perfectly content with a world where everything goes right and nothing goes left. Most of us only desire to be in a space we can control. However, the danger of remaining in your comfort zone is that it limits your growth, learning and creativity as you “escape” taking on challenges which are an integral part of life.
“Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.”
It is simply fascinating how we subconsciously tie the words “safety” and “better” to our comfort zones. We believe that it is better and safer to remain in our comfort zones (whether or not we choose to call it that) when in reality, our comfort zones may not necessarily be safer or better; it is just all we have ever known. Our bodies get used to a particular way of doing things and a way of existing that any thought that creeps up to suggest something otherwise is shot down by fear and “rationality”.
Another prominent reason why you choose to remain in your comfort zone is the almighty Fear of the Unknown.
The Fear of the Unknown is such a paralysing factor in the pursuit of goals and dreams. We tend to think of the unknown as “unsafe” and subconsciously associate it with failures and negative “what-ifs” which is why we would rather stay in a toxic relationship that our bodies have gotten used to than be single or explore thoughts of leaving the toxic relationship. This is also why we would remain in a job we hate which pays a relatively reasonable salary as long as it can foot the bills.
While fear is valuable in that it keeps you safe and encourages caution when caution is due,…
It’s also a limiting thing: Not everything you’re afraid of deserves fear or caution. And sometimes, moments of bravery are what are needed to make your life better.
Forbes Coaches Council
How can you overcome fear and step out of your comfort zone?
Do new things that make you uncomfortable
This is something I started at the beginning of last year and it has been amazing. Simple yet profound in stretching your mind to get used to a life outside your comfort zone.
By doing things that typically make you uncomfortable, you find that your mind gradually experiences freedom. You may experience discomfort while doing or watching people do certain things due to factors like your upbringing, culture, fear and environmental factors or just a subconscious “what would they think about me?” mentality.
However, by constantly engaging in activities that you may not typically engage in, your mind experiences freedom to enable you take the big little steps. Some of these activities, may include singing out loud while taking an early morning walk, greeting and talking to strangers, dancing in public, jumping out of a plane (skydiving, please), wearing clothes that typically make you feel body conscious, parasailing or entering a hot air balloon, answering a question first in class…the list goes on and on.
In a nutshell, the things that make you cringe or think “I can never do that” ? …do them.
“As you move outside of your comfort zone, what was once the unknown and frightening becomes your new normal.”
Take Baby Steps
A very important way to overcome fear and step out of your comfort zone is to take baby steps in the direction of your goals.
Understand that if your goals and dreams scare you sometimes, this is perfectly normal. Perhaps you want to achieve something that has not been achieved before, or you want to give a different twist to an already existing product and the thought of starting gives you all sorts of anxiety; start by taking baby steps. You may be looking to quit your job to get a better one or start doing what you love because your current job does not align with your purpose. You may be scared of losing your financial independence and/or somewhat financial stability that has aided you this far.
However, it is necessary to take baby steps in the direction of your goals. Some baby steps could be drafting a business proposal, reaching out to a potential investor who is a complete stranger, searching for new jobs, dusting up your CV, applying to schools to further your education if you desire, giving yourself closure before stepping out of a toxic relationship. Whatever the case may be, the important thing is to start somewhere.
When you take and accomplish these baby steps, you gain the necessary confidence required to step out of your comfort zone.
Develop a Growth Mindset
“In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work, brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment.”- Carol Dweck
Developing a growth mindset is crucial in overcoming fear and stepping out of your comfort zone. This is because your mindset affects your attitudes and general outlook on life.
Most often than not, we remain in our comfort zones due to the fear of failure which is intricately tied to the fear of the unknown. The fear of failure itself is so mentally paralysing and destabilising to the extent that the comfort zone begins to look so attractive that any opportunities for growth and learning are subconsciously shot down by the mind.
By developing a growth mindset, you are able to take on challenges while learning from them and increasing your abilities and achievements. A person with a growth mindset does not see failure in its raw form and does not get discouraged by mistakes, but sees failure as a learning opportunity to be and do better. Furthermore, he/she sees failure not as an evidence of unintelligence, but as an opportunity for growth and as such, is constantly willing to improve and positive about the future.
“A growth minded person believes that they can learn anything as long as they are willing to put in enough effort into it. If they fail, they would get back up and try again, this time with new knowledge about what not to do. They realize that their potential is only limited by their willingness to work hard and keep trying new approaches until something works.”
You can read more on how to develop a growth mindset here.
Words are so powerful and simple positive words which may seem ineffective on their own, can evoke a powerful response of feeling amazing, powerful and like you can take on the world.
By repeatedly saying positively affirmative words to yourself even if you do not believe them at first, your brain believes them. This is because your brain does not know the difference between what words are true and false. Positive affirmations help you counter negative thoughts that may pop up from time to time due to fear.
Also, be careful of the negative words you tell yourself or others about yourself, whether jokingly or in serious terms. Sooner or later, you begin to believe them and act accordingly. If you continuously say “this one is too big for me to do” or “I can only imagine working there” or “let me do the one I know I can do, that one is only a dream” then sooner or later you believe in and limit yourself accordingly.
You cannot know until you try.
You cannot control everything in life and you need to make peace with this. In the pursuit of your goals and dreams, you can only fight to overcome fear, take calculated risks, do your best and have some faith.
Your greatest fears are just that…your greatest fears.They have no power over you unless you give them power.
I pray you find the strength and bravery to step out of your comfort zone this 2020 and exist courageously.
Love and Light,
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I can only imagine what may be going through in your world. You may or may not have been having a great time this month or year but, I want you to remember that YOU MATTER and here are 7 reasons why:
You are the only You there is.
In a world of about seven billion people, it may sound impossible, but you are the only You there is. You may have unknown doppelgangers littered across the world, strangers with similar talents or friends with like passions. BUT…none of them are You. You are special, amazing and beautiful. You matter because your unique quality is an added bonus to this world.
“By just being you, you make a profound difference in this world.”
Your mere existence is an inspiration to mankind
You may think you have to do; do more, do better, be more or be better to inspire someone alive at this very moment. You’re wrong. Your existence alone is an inspiration to many. Whether you have fought a number of internal battles while wearing a perfect smile on your face, or are still struggling to make things work in different aspects of your life, you are an inspiration.
As unbelievable as it sounds because you’re tempted to wonder how you can inspire when you “have not accomplished anything”, remember that you have accomplished life, living, overcoming and drawing in breaths with each moment. You are a source of hope and faith to the silent watchers. While you may wait to have a story to tell, remember that your story is in your existence, your experiences and your birth.
You have the power to heal souls
With simple kind words, a generous act or just a genuine compliment, you possess within you, no matter your age or economic status, the power to heal a soul, uplift a spirit and save a life. People around you hurting in silence and fear can feel a sort of respite just by coming in contact with your being. You have within you, the power to change lives for the better by being you. Some may expressly tell you, others may thank you silently from the depths of their hearts.
Your feelings matter
You matter because your feelings matter. Your emotions, as raw as they may seem, matter. Every fibre of your being matters. Every thought, every feeling, every hurt, pain, joy and laughter matter.
You may have heard words like “oh its just this”, “aren’t we all going through it?”, “people have it worse” or “remember to be grateful”. These may be true, but remember that your feelings are valid. They are not invalidated by another person’s similar or worse experience.
You are loved and needed
You may not feel like it sometimes, but you are loved. You are needed. You are desired. By us. We falter as humans sometimes because we only express our innermost gratitude and appreciation for each other when we are gone, but we are learning. At every phase of your life, you are loved and needed.
You have a voice
With your voice you can move mountains. With your voice you can shake the earth. With your voice, you can start a movement. You matter because you have a voice which you can use to stir the world in a better direction. You can use your voice for good and positively impact people for free.
With your voice putting out positive energy in the world, you can cause a spark that will change the lives of people you are yet to come in contact with. With your voice, you can change the life of a next-door neighbour.
You have a purpose
Instilled in every human being, including you, is a purpose. A unique purpose no other person has. A purpose so valuable that you wonder how “little you” can fulfil it. You were destined for it from the moment you were intricately crafted in the womb.
You watch others executing ideas that seem to align with your purpose, similar to those ideas you crafted in the privacy of your room but have been sitting on for the longest time because of that four-letter-word, HOWEVER, your purpose is unique. It’s what you are on earth for. Do not rule it out saying “someone is already doing it.”
Understanding your purpose and higher calling in life requires patience, self-awareness and introspection. It requires unplugging from the world occasionally and observing quiet times.
“Never ever think that what you have to offer is insignificant. There will always be someone out there who needs what you have to give.”
Please think about these words deeply until you find truth in them. And if you are looking for 50 more reasons why your life matters, read this.
May this new month bring you joy, a lot of reasons to smile from the heart and peace of mind. 🥂
Love and Light,
P.S, I am excited to announce that I will be LAUNCHING MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL for my book reviews this February 2020! I love, love, love books and I love discussing them any chance I get. I read quite widely from fiction to non-fictional to psychological thrillers to autobiographies to bildungsromans to self-help and motivational books, I love them all! So if you’re a booklover or know someone who is, you can hit the subscribe button here or share the link so you know when the content drops!
Going through social media the past couple of weeks and seeing what a tough time 2019 has been for a lot of us was actually surprising. I had sat in my little hole thinking it was just me who had had a crazy year, only for thousands of people to open up about how rough 2019 was for them.
It just goes to show that no matter what one is going through or how peculiar it may feel in that moment, there is also someone, somewhere in the world, who may be experiencing something similar even though unique, and can relate to what you’re going through.
You’re not alone.
If 2019 knocked you down a little too hard or more than what you expected, here are 7 simple ways to bounce back to help you get ready to embrace the beauty that will be 2020. These simple but super useful tips are sourced from a mix of my experiences this year and what has helped me in bouncing back so far, a podcast by Robin Sharma I listened to a while ago and one of my now favourite books of all time, The Mastery of Self by Don Miguel Ruiz Jr.
When you sit down to reflect about how your 2019 has been, especially when you look at the rough times, ask yourself “How could this be worse?” , “What was good here?” “What were my blessings?” , “What am I grateful for?”
When you look at some of these moments that may have caused you pain, brought some disappointment, heartbreak or betrayal, attempt to reconceptualise your thoughts if you have been looking at the painful experiences negatively. There is no doubt that these experiences may have been rough or painful, but by reconceptualising, you begin to see things with a growth mindset. No matter how much you feel like the victim in a situation, and granted, you may have been, try to ask yourself “What can I learn from this?” “What can i do differently going forward?” “What ways can I improve better?”.
Leave other people to find out for themselves and concentrate on YOU.
Leverage for growth
As mentioned earlier, what you do not want to do in bouncing back in sitting in a pit and letting only negative thoughts cloud your mind. However, what you want to do is to use these rough times in 2019 (no matter how rough they may have been) as opportunities to leverage for growth going forward.
“Hard times are nothing more than Growth in wolves’ clothing.“
Ask yourself “How can I use this to grow?” and “How can I use this to cover the shattering of my ego?”
Sometimes a situation looks so bleak that you feel that there’s nothing to learn from it, or that there is nothing to grow from, but I bet if you looked close enough, you would find at least one way. Some of these rough times may just help us become stronger as individuals.
Appreciate the season
The truth is that difficult times come to crack the shell of your understanding, to humble you, to remind you that you are human. You may appreciate the pain that comes with these times, but you can appreciate the season; the season of growth, stretching, improvement. Learn to use the stumbling blocks you faced in 2019 as stepping stones in 2020 and turn those wounds to wisdom. Share with people what you have learned during the painful seasons and wear your scars proudly.
Feel to heal
If there is any pain you need to heal from in 2019, then you need to feel it. Running away from it and pressing the “reset” button or burying it deep down to enter 2020 with is very unhealthy. Deal with it and feel it so you can move on. Reflect on those tough times and pay attention to the difficult feelings that came with it. Do you still feel any resentment, anger, bitterness or any negative feelings towards something or someone? Are you disappointed in yourself for not reaching certain goals? You need to dig deep and deal with these feelings.
“To release a toxic feeling, the only way in is out.“
Do not tie achievements to self worth
Ahhhh. This is one of the most important lessons I have learned this year; not basing my self worth on my achievements or accomplishments. I am definitely using this going forward in 2020.
A lot of us base our self worth on our achievements and accomplishments in different seasons of our lives. So if we are not employed, married, married with kids, do not have a high paying job, are not able to finish an online course, are not able to read a book in a year, not able to gain admission into school, are not able to save a certain sum of money by the end of the year, then we are failures and nothing more.
This is not true!
Even if you did nothing, you are still worthy; worthy of love, of friendship, of happiness, of peace and of laughter. You are still worthy of all the amazing blessings God gives. You are still amazing and special. Your “amazingness” does not come from the “things you do” but who you are at your core. You are already made perfection by God.
“When you use unconditional self-love as the starting point when setting any goal, you remain aware that perfection is not tied to the end result, but rather the reality of the present moment.You were perfect at the onset and you are perfect now; you are perfect throughout. You are aware the entire time that the end result won’t define you. It is through the practice of awareness that you are able to see the perfection that exists in yourself, which also lets you see perfection in the world around you and in each being in it.”
Do not wallow
Refuse to wallow in the disappointments of 2019. Refuse to remain in the pit of negative thoughts from 2019. Forgive yourself for mistakes made, chances not taken, discipline not exercised, not being discerning enough or moments where fear overwhelmed you and pushed you out of an opportunity. Forgive yourself, take the most important and practical lessons that can be applied in the new year and move on. Remember, time waits for no one. Time spent wallowing can be spent on doing and being better.
Detach from Outcomes and Focus on the Journey
A lot of us tend to focus heavily on the outcomes and destination of our goals or desires for the year that we forget to just enjoy the journey. We are too busy looking at where we want to get to that we forget to be present and enjoy life for what it is. In bouncing back, learn to detach from outcomes, while still having them, of course, but most importantly, focus on the journey, the experience and the lessons.
Learn to be patient. If it wasn’t your turn this year but another’s, be happy for him/her. Next year may be your turn…and if it isn’t, you try again in 2021.
Remember, you are not the accomplishment of your goals or desires.
Here’s wishing you an amazing, productive, laughter-filled, joy-filled, peace-filled 2020. 🥂
May all your dreams come true!
Love and Light,
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